Win James Dolan's Money, The Draft
OK, fantasy basketball fans, time to take you inside the unnecessarily neurotic mind of an owner in the process of drafting his team. There’s a lot of pressure on me, as there always is on the league commissioner, to not royally suck. That’s especially true this year, since last year’s league:
a) Got started 6 weeks too late, and
b) Ended with me getting destroyed by my sister-in-law in the first round of the playoffs after I barely qualified.
So, I’m going to be agonizing over everything this time, hoping to not repeat the mistakes of the past, and you get to come along for the ride. Currently (and likely for the only time during this process), I’m feeling pretty good by virtue of my coming up with a solid name for the league (after all, ripping on the Knicks is FUNdamental!) and the fact that the draft’s actually starting before the season. Here we go:
10/19, 10:00 AM: It’s a short league this year, with only six owners. But, on the plus side, they’ve all been in several leagues with me before and they’re pretty serious about this stuff, so we should at least keep things moving along well. Here’s the order:
Kevin
Vern
Amanda
Me
Jason
Logan
Kelli, my aforementioned Kryptonite from last season, will not be participating this year. Yes, the sound you just heard was a shameless sigh of relief. Unfortunately, her team’s GM is still present, as hubby Kevin provided significant assistance (and by “significant”, I mean “total”), since she doesn’t really follow basketball. I do hear that he’s got her occasionally asking him questions as he’s watching sports on TV now, though. It’s a start, I suppose. Anyway, back to the draft…
I’m not crazy about drawing #4. I see Kobe Bryant in my future, and I can’t imagine he’s going to have as strong a year as he had last year due to both of the Law of Averages and that pesky matter of his off-season surgery. Even so, I can’t pass on the Mamba at that spot unless I have a really good reason.
I’m giving everyone until tomorrow to think about it, so we’ll pick things up then…
10/20, 8:30 AM: My brother rocks! He just saved me from the Kobe Dilemma by taking Bryant #1 overall! His reasoning: he wanted to take someone named after steak. As every good fantasy owner knows, you’ve got to think with your stomach first. Vern’s next, and he grabs Dwyane Wade. This could really pay off for him, as Wade’s a good free-throw shooter and after last year’s playoffs, I’m convinced he averages no fewer than 30 attempts per game this season. In fact, I think Kirk Hinrich just fouled out of the season opener…
9:03 AM: Amanda, your thoughts? “Wow. No-brainer here....LeBron James”. Yeah, that’s what I said, too, you !@#$!@# I need to compose myself before making the next selection. Wait, no I don’t, this pick is pretty obvious, too. Assuming KG doesn’t finally snap and pull a Sprewell on Kevin McHale for giving him no supporting cast for the third straight year, he’ll be fantastic.
9:29 AM: The next 4 picks come rapid-fire: Dirk Nowitzki for Jason, followed by Shawn Marion and Elton Brand to Logan, and then Jason grabs Gilbert Arenas. I was desperately hoping one of those four guys got through to me since I have no idea who else to go with here, but predictably, they all got snapped up. My brother’s food addiction aside, we’re not off to a great start in the luck department here. After a few minutes of wrangling between several guys, I settle into a debate between taking Amare’s potential and a solid start on rebounding and blocked shots (if I combined him with Garnett) vs. grabbing the ever-rare double-digit assists man in Steve Nash, whose dimes will probably even notch up a bit more with Stoudemire’s return. Well, upon further review, Amare’s not as good at rebounding and blocking as I thought, and Nash also helps with 3s and FT% and has a surprisingly good FG% for a guard. OK, I’ll go with Nash, I think…
9:43 AM: Alright, Nash is my guy.
9:44 AM: Wait, Stoudemire has C eligibility and the only other decent C for the next couple rounds is Tim Duncan! But too late, I already emailed my pick to the league. I hate fantasy basketball…
10:03 AM: Amanda takes AI as I wonder if I can make “Practices” a scoring category for this year’s league.
12:56 PM: There goes the first C, as Vern takes Tim Duncan. Assuming he avoids the injury bug this time around, Duncan should be on the floor a lot since he’s never committed a foul in his life, so that helps. Speaking of injuries, Kevin made some high-injury risk picks last year (most notably Marcus Camby). Well, he’s at it again with Jason Kidd (the wheels have to come off one of these years) and AK47. I don’t care what happens in the next 9 rounds; this is his whole draft right here. If those two stay healthy to stuff the stat sheet alongside stud scorer Kobe, Kevin’s Fatness Made Simple stands a good chance of taking home the hardware. If they both go down, he’s a pretty safe bet to spend his second consecutive season in the cellar. By the way, don’t let me forget to lobby Kev to make John Basedow Mr. Irrelevant in this draft…
2:52 PM: Vern grabs another star who was injured last year in T-Mac, then Amanda counters by taking young Raptor star Chris Bosh. That brings us back to my team, and since I got a second- (or possibly even third-) tier scorer last time with Nash, I feel the need to pick up some points with this pick. So, I go for Paul Pierce, the top-ranked scorer from 05-06 who’s still available. I have a tendency to forget to select guys that can fill it up early in the draft and force myself to stock my roster with guys like Morris Peterson and Hedo Turkoglu (barely above-average scorers who are mediocre-to-bad in everything else). And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you build a team that squeaks into the playoffs and then immediately gets crushed. Jason then takes Ray Allen, another 25+ PPG guy from last year. Copycat.
5:16 PM: 2 for Logan; they're Chris Paul and Yao Ming. Jason finally snags the freefalling Amare Stoudemire, which makes my decision easier. I'll go with Vince Carter, since I need another scorer and like Pierce, he has a pretty solid all-around game. As long as he doesn't suddenly decide he wants to play for Amanda's team, I should be in good shape.
a) Got started 6 weeks too late, and
b) Ended with me getting destroyed by my sister-in-law in the first round of the playoffs after I barely qualified.
So, I’m going to be agonizing over everything this time, hoping to not repeat the mistakes of the past, and you get to come along for the ride. Currently (and likely for the only time during this process), I’m feeling pretty good by virtue of my coming up with a solid name for the league (after all, ripping on the Knicks is FUNdamental!) and the fact that the draft’s actually starting before the season. Here we go:
10/19, 10:00 AM: It’s a short league this year, with only six owners. But, on the plus side, they’ve all been in several leagues with me before and they’re pretty serious about this stuff, so we should at least keep things moving along well. Here’s the order:
Kevin
Vern
Amanda
Me
Jason
Logan
Kelli, my aforementioned Kryptonite from last season, will not be participating this year. Yes, the sound you just heard was a shameless sigh of relief. Unfortunately, her team’s GM is still present, as hubby Kevin provided significant assistance (and by “significant”, I mean “total”), since she doesn’t really follow basketball. I do hear that he’s got her occasionally asking him questions as he’s watching sports on TV now, though. It’s a start, I suppose. Anyway, back to the draft…
I’m not crazy about drawing #4. I see Kobe Bryant in my future, and I can’t imagine he’s going to have as strong a year as he had last year due to both of the Law of Averages and that pesky matter of his off-season surgery. Even so, I can’t pass on the Mamba at that spot unless I have a really good reason.
I’m giving everyone until tomorrow to think about it, so we’ll pick things up then…
10/20, 8:30 AM: My brother rocks! He just saved me from the Kobe Dilemma by taking Bryant #1 overall! His reasoning: he wanted to take someone named after steak. As every good fantasy owner knows, you’ve got to think with your stomach first. Vern’s next, and he grabs Dwyane Wade. This could really pay off for him, as Wade’s a good free-throw shooter and after last year’s playoffs, I’m convinced he averages no fewer than 30 attempts per game this season. In fact, I think Kirk Hinrich just fouled out of the season opener…
9:03 AM: Amanda, your thoughts? “Wow. No-brainer here....LeBron James”. Yeah, that’s what I said, too, you !@#$!@# I need to compose myself before making the next selection. Wait, no I don’t, this pick is pretty obvious, too. Assuming KG doesn’t finally snap and pull a Sprewell on Kevin McHale for giving him no supporting cast for the third straight year, he’ll be fantastic.
9:29 AM: The next 4 picks come rapid-fire: Dirk Nowitzki for Jason, followed by Shawn Marion and Elton Brand to Logan, and then Jason grabs Gilbert Arenas. I was desperately hoping one of those four guys got through to me since I have no idea who else to go with here, but predictably, they all got snapped up. My brother’s food addiction aside, we’re not off to a great start in the luck department here. After a few minutes of wrangling between several guys, I settle into a debate between taking Amare’s potential and a solid start on rebounding and blocked shots (if I combined him with Garnett) vs. grabbing the ever-rare double-digit assists man in Steve Nash, whose dimes will probably even notch up a bit more with Stoudemire’s return. Well, upon further review, Amare’s not as good at rebounding and blocking as I thought, and Nash also helps with 3s and FT% and has a surprisingly good FG% for a guard. OK, I’ll go with Nash, I think…
9:43 AM: Alright, Nash is my guy.
9:44 AM: Wait, Stoudemire has C eligibility and the only other decent C for the next couple rounds is Tim Duncan! But too late, I already emailed my pick to the league. I hate fantasy basketball…
10:03 AM: Amanda takes AI as I wonder if I can make “Practices” a scoring category for this year’s league.
12:56 PM: There goes the first C, as Vern takes Tim Duncan. Assuming he avoids the injury bug this time around, Duncan should be on the floor a lot since he’s never committed a foul in his life, so that helps. Speaking of injuries, Kevin made some high-injury risk picks last year (most notably Marcus Camby). Well, he’s at it again with Jason Kidd (the wheels have to come off one of these years) and AK47. I don’t care what happens in the next 9 rounds; this is his whole draft right here. If those two stay healthy to stuff the stat sheet alongside stud scorer Kobe, Kevin’s Fatness Made Simple stands a good chance of taking home the hardware. If they both go down, he’s a pretty safe bet to spend his second consecutive season in the cellar. By the way, don’t let me forget to lobby Kev to make John Basedow Mr. Irrelevant in this draft…
2:52 PM: Vern grabs another star who was injured last year in T-Mac, then Amanda counters by taking young Raptor star Chris Bosh. That brings us back to my team, and since I got a second- (or possibly even third-) tier scorer last time with Nash, I feel the need to pick up some points with this pick. So, I go for Paul Pierce, the top-ranked scorer from 05-06 who’s still available. I have a tendency to forget to select guys that can fill it up early in the draft and force myself to stock my roster with guys like Morris Peterson and Hedo Turkoglu (barely above-average scorers who are mediocre-to-bad in everything else). And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you build a team that squeaks into the playoffs and then immediately gets crushed. Jason then takes Ray Allen, another 25+ PPG guy from last year. Copycat.
5:16 PM: 2 for Logan; they're Chris Paul and Yao Ming. Jason finally snags the freefalling Amare Stoudemire, which makes my decision easier. I'll go with Vince Carter, since I need another scorer and like Pierce, he has a pretty solid all-around game. As long as he doesn't suddenly decide he wants to play for Amanda's team, I should be in good shape.
posted by Lock Ness Monster at 5:22 PM
2 Comments:
I hope you don't suddenly decide you want to "play for Amanda's team." wink wink
Gauri
Nice, Gauri.
And Kirk, this was very Bill Simmons of you:
10:03 AM: Amanda takes AI as I wonder if I can make “Practices” a scoring category for this year’s league.
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