Lock Ness Monster Sports

Greedy Quinn

2007-07-24T11:57:00.000-07:00

I couldn't believe what I just heard on the radio. Brady Quinn, erstwhile 22nd pick of the 2007 draft, is demanding a contract that would pay him as a franchise quarterback in the latter years of the deal. You would think the man had been humbled by his draft tumble, but that's clearly not the case. Instead, he's decided to believe his hype from the past few years and in so doing, he's hindering his development as a pro quarterback. If I'm a Browns fan right now, I'm thoroughly pissed off.

Look, Quinn's supposedly a reasonably intelligent individual, right? Why, then, would he hold out? Rookie QBs have a lot to learn about their responsibilities in each play, what their teammates are doing on the field, and just how to be a pro in general. I don't think it's a stretch to argue that QBs, especially young ones, have the most to lose from a holdout. And what exactly is he holding out for, anyway? More money? Listen up, kid, this is the NFL, where contracts are ripped up quicker than Enron paper trails. If you overperform your contract, you'll be rewarded with renegotiation. If the deal calls for more money than you've proven yourself worthy of, the team won't hesitate to cut you. You should know this by now.

Besides, if what he's worried about is being paid like a franchise QB if he's the starter, then that's easy to arrange. All you do is just put in some incentive payments for reaching certain goals of percentage of team's snaps, passing yards, TDs, playoff appearances, and so on. I don't know what teams are able to do in terms of rookie contracts, but those types of options have to be available in some form. What Quinn needs to realize is that he'd only be delaying his ability to earn the massive sums of money that he's demanding by staying away from Browns camp. And in this league, if you don't earn what's coming to you, it's just a matter of time before you're out on the street. If he needs any proof of that, he can just go talk to Tim Couch. I hear he's not doing much these days...

Are You Ready for Some (Fantasy) Football?

2007-07-20T18:09:00.000-07:00

The latter half of July is upon us, which means it's time to start thinking about fantasy football. For me personally, it's a chance to try to atone for my worst fantasy season ever. Football in 2006 was simply a debacle; there's no getting around it. I'm going to try not to repeat the mistakes of a year ago, but I'm well on my way to duplicating the biggest one already: trying to juggle a personal-record 6 teams. We're 6 weeks away from opening day, and already I'm halfway there. This year can't get much worse than last, though; part of the problem with having so many teams was that every single one of my players seemed to be made of glass, and I simply got overwhelmed trying to sub them all in and out. It's my job to overcome that, but I've got to believe my luck will be at least a little better this time around.

I've got high hopes for my team in the league I'm running. How do I know, you ask? It's true, I don't know for sure who my opposing owners will be, and I won't have a single player on my roster for another 5-6 weeks. I'm not even sure where in the draft order I'll fall, although it will probably be high since I royally sucked last year. My confidence has to do with the one thing I do know about my team: its name.

I'm calling my boys the Armadillos this year, which the observant ones among you will recognize from the underrated football classic "Necessary Roughness." The game plan is to stock the roster with the type of talent the fictional football team had before going on probation, and then instill the scrappy attitude that kept them in games after trimming down the scholarships. I'm even thinking of giving Ed "Straight Arrow" Janeiro a call; if he's not doing anything, maybe he can coach them. The real thrill, though, would be if one of my guys went nuts on the field and allowed me to quote the inimitable Rob Schneider: "I don't know what he saw on that play, that was a CLEAN kick to the facemask!" I think if we can get Joey Porter to randomly punch Levi Jones in Vegas months after a hotly-contested game, we can make this happen.

The other thing that gets me excited about "Armadillos" as a team name, besides the endless quoteability it brings to the table, is the abbreviation factor. Many dominant teams, such as the Yanks, BoSox, Celts, and Pack, have had the ability to abbreviate their name, thus drawing the fan base in and making the team feel more supported, always an important intangible. It even works for fantasy sports; for instance, a few years ago my brother Kevin ran away with the regular season baseball crown with his Isotopes, which he constantly referred to as the 'Topes. With that in mind, I think my 'Dillos are destined to bring home the hardware this year.

Speaking of Kev, his victory in last year's playoffs gave him the right to choose the league name for this year. He promised to come up with an obscure name that only he would find amusing, and he didn't disappoint with "Flash Gordon QB, NY Jets." This is from the early '80's sci-fi flick "Flash Gordon" and was how the title character introduced himself to all of the extraterrestrial characters in the movie. Classic Kevin: a silly quote from an awesomely bad movie that you have to think about just a little bit too long for it to be truly funny. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea...

The Not-So-Cowardly Lion (But in a Bad Way)

2007-06-25T21:55:00.000-07:00

Jon Kitna thinks the Lions will win 10 games in 2007, and more than that after checking the schedule. Rest of the NFL, your rebuttal?

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Yes, I thought so.

I suppose you've got to give Kitna credit for...uh...trying to inspire his team and...uh...attempting to change the culture of losing that Matt Millen's worked so hard to instill. Still, if I were him, I wouldn't be checking my team's schedule as hard as I'd be checking the NFLPA health insurance policy for mental illness coverage. Yes, the NFL has had some crazy turnarounds in recent years for previously moribund franchises. Yes, the Lions did add Calvin Johnson and Tatum Bell to an offense that already showed promise in 2006 under Mad Mike Martz. Offense wasn't the problem nearly as much as that 27th-ranked defense was, though, and while Kitna seems impressed with new defensive coordinator Joe Barry, if the man doesn't have the horses, who cares? And I didn't see the Lions pick up anyone of note on defense this past offseason, unless Millen finally realized he's of more use to the team as a 49-year-old linebacker than he is in the front office. I lived in Detroit for two years and, believe me, stranger things have happened with that team...

By the way, who says "after looking at the schedule, I think we'll win more games", anyway? Does Kitna not realize that he's just become the first NFL player in history to instantaneously provide 16 WEEKS' WORTH OF BULLETIN BOARD MATERIAL?!?! I mean, seriously, doesn't every NFL team hold mandatory meetings telling players not to do this sort of stuff? It's not as much of a moral issue as, say, "don't take steroids" or "try not to commit a crime", but it's just as basic from a common sense standpoint, is it not? And Kitna's even a veteran, for crying out loud! He must have gotten knocked around more than I thought last year.

I thought about also saying something about Kitna's "Calvin Johnson is going to do the same things for the Lions that Reggie Bush did for the Saints" comment, but at this point, that would just be piling on, don't you think? I'll leave poor Jonny alone with his illusions of grandeur, although I would like to point out that Mike Martz is, in fact, a genius. Apparently, he's found a way to make egomaniacal insanity communicable. Kudos to Mad Mike!

The Kid Makes Good

2007-06-24T22:23:00.000-07:00

Well, the local sports radio guys in Seattle asked for it a month or so ago, and today they got it. Ken Griffey Jr., in the final game of his "homecoming" series in Seattle, passed Mark McGwire on the all-time homerun list. I have to say, I've been touched to see the outpouring of appreciation for Junior during this entire weekend. As jaded as the relationship between players and fans has become, it's so refreshing to see an entire city embrace a superstar like that, and especially surprising in Griffey's case since he actually asked to be traded out of Seattle 8 years ago. Still, his star power in the 11 years prior to that is credited with helping Safeco Field get built and as a result keeping the Mariners in town, and for that he apparently will always be loved here. No smart aleck comments here; this is simply the best sports story I've heard in quite a while. Hurry up and get to 600, Junior...

My Response to KG Wanting to be a Sun

2007-06-21T18:39:00.000-07:00

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

What, that's not intelligent enough for you? Fine. Here goes....

The first thing that comes to mind is that everyone's thought process seems to make sense here. This is, of course, utterly shocking due to the involvement of Kevin McHale, who has brought you the Botched Joe Smith Signing as well as putting together a group of teams so putrid that Kevin Freaking Garnett couldn't get out of the first round with them more than once. And yes, I know all about the "he should have put his team on his back" argument, and even agree with it to a point. But the fact of the matter is, everybody and their brother has known that Garnett has needed a running mate capable of easing the scoring load and willing to take the last shot for years now. The closest they've come to fulfilling that in a dozen seasons is Latrell Sprewell. I'll let that sink in for a moment.

This time, however, McHale seems to be getting it right, holding out for the moment for Amare Stoudamire in any KG deal with Phoenix. Of course, the flip side of it is that McHale would have the potential to take another young freak of nature-style power forward and mire him in mediocrity for a decade or more. Great times all around!

I guess if there's one thing I don't understand in all of this, it's why KG is so unwilling to even entertain the thought of going to Boston. Granted, they wouldn't have much else, but I've got to believe that with the declining of the Pistons and the aging of Shaq, a KG-Paul Pierce tandem by itself would run roughshod over anyone in the East except for the Bulls. And if the Bulls do consummate a deal for Kobe Bryant, they'd be pretty similar in composition to the Celtics, assuming Mitch Kupchak swings any sort of reasonable deal....you know, on second thought, I'm starting to see Garnett's point...

What in the Name of Don Majkowski is Going On Out There?

2007-06-18T21:31:00.000-07:00

What's up with NFC North quarterbacking these days? Apparently, we've got Bears DE Tommie Harris making "Hopefully we get Donovan" comments and subsequently tripping over himself to retract those comments. After all, it just wouldn't do to have one more guy saying that Rex Grossman isn't an upper-echelon quarterback. It never ceases to amaze me how quickly a player/coach/front office guy in any sport feels the need to take back a statement of the "breath of fresh air" variety. I mean, really, show of hands, who wouldn't take Donovan McNabb over Rex Grossman? I think even Grossman would, if you were ever able to get a straight answer out of him. Of course, he works for a professional sports team, so straight answers aren't part of the deal. Whatever. At least I know who Tommie Harris is now, so that's good, I guess.

Elsewhere in the former Black and Blue Division, Daunte Culpepper recently said that he'd like to end up in Green Bay when the Dolphins trade/release him. Ostensibly, he thinks he can get a starting gig after Brett Favre retires. Because, you know, the Pack would just love to go from a 38-year-old vaguely mobile, mistake-prone quarterback who takes too many risks and whose arm isn't quite what it used to be to a 30-year-old vaguely mobile, mistake-prone quarterback who takes too many risks and whose arm isn't quite what it used to be. The only reason Green Bay fans put up with Favre's up-and-down play is that he's built up so much goodwill with all of his accomplishments there. What does Daunte think will happen to him the first time he throws a floater over the middle of Lambeau Field into some random DB's waiting arms? And that's not even considering the possibility (actually, I'd say likelihood) that Favre could conceivably continue his hijack-the-team-each-offseason act for another 3 or 4 years.

At some point Daunte is going to have to realize that he's not going to get any NFL team to turn the reins over to him until he does something to show them that he's over his injury and decision-making woes. What's more (as someone who saw the first several years of his career from a close vantage point I feel knowledgeable on the subject), I think that Daunte is far too mentally fragile to handle the fallout of even the slightest mistake in a football-crazy environment like Green Bay. In fact, given the current quarterbacking landscape, he may have to put things back together in the CFL for a year or two if he wants to be assured of playing time. Despite the nightmarish end to his stint with the Vikes, I remember enough of the good times that it actually pains me to say that. I'm even still on a first-name basis with the guy, for crying out loud! How did that happen? Oh well. Anyway, Daunte, just say "nay" to Green Bay; it's not the right fit for you. Rehab, spend some time learning how to throw the ball to the guys in the right color of jersey, and with a little luck we might see you back in the saddle in a year or two.

OK, Everybody Look At Kobe Now...

2007-06-16T10:32:00.000-07:00

I suppose my lifelong allegiance to the Lakers forces me to comment on the inanity that is taking place in La-La Land, despite the fact that just writing this gives that egomaniacal self-dubbed "Black Mamba" exactly what he wants: more attention. Still, I feel honor-bound to put my two cents in, especially since I've been exceedingly lazy with the blog lately.

As much as it pains me to agree with the man on anything right now, I will grant that Kobe does have two good points:

1. This ship has been positively rudderless since Jerry West traded Hollywood for Graceland.
2. The above has caused 3 years of the prime of one of the top 20 players ever to be utterly wasted.

Of course, the obvious retort to any of Kobe's complaints about the team is that he set its demise as a championship caliber squad in motion with his childish feud with Shaq. As someone who grew up watching Magic become the team leader while Kareem willingly turned into a role player, I would have hoped to see something similar with those two. And of course, the obvious reason it did not happen is that while Magic took every opportunity to respect "the Big Fella," Kobe worships only at the Altar of Kobe. We have all the evidence we need that Shaq would have played the circa 1987 Kareem role had Kobe been the type of guy that, for instance, Sir Charles keeps on speed dial. However, #8/24/whatever number might best serve his "legacy" next year decided that he wanted to be The Next Michael Jordan and win a championship as the unquestioned lead guy. And now that his cap-crippling contract is preventing the team from getting more than 3-4 players that could be in the rotation for an upper-echelon team, he wants to leave? Michael Jordan may have also abandoned his team while in his prime, but only because David Stern ordered him to let the gambling allegations die down (or to chase a lifelong dream, if you believe the official story). I don't see Stern anywhere ordering Bryant to avoid cleaning up the mess he created.

You know, I didn't anticipate going here, but isn't it kind of funny how all of the Next Michael Jordans, while certainly talented, are looking like disappointments right now? Kobe was the first in the wave, but his leadership skills are clearly nonexistent. Vince Carter is the only current NBA star whose penchant for quitting on his team rivals Kobe's (I can't wait to see what he does if the Nets, say, ever do trade Kidd). T-Mac can't get out of the first round of the playoffs. The jury's still out on the "Global Icon," but he didn't offer up much to recommend himself during his first Finals appearance. Thinking about all the Jordan wannabes out there (and by the way, we're now 9 years removed from his last memorable season, for those scoring at home) makes me think wistfully about one of my favorite Steve Prefontaine quotes. Shortly after getting to Oregon, Pre said of then mile record-holder Jim Ryun, "Forget Ryun; he's done. I want to be the first Steve Prefontaine." Whoever decides to take that mentality is going to be the dominant player of this generation. At the moment, your leader in the clubhouse is the previously referenced Dwayne Wade, although if he really wants to do something impressive, he could try winning a championship where he doesn't get foul shots for being breathed upon.

Oh shoot, I didn't talk about Kobe for most of the last paragraph. There, there, Kobe, we haven't forgotten about you; don't cry...

"Boy, that escalated quickly...I mean, that really got out of hand fast."

2007-03-09T16:11:00.000-08:00

Installment 3 of the Burgundians fantasy baseball league is here, and so am I, to do a live blog of the draft. It's a keeper league, so be prepared for some picks to look a little out of order. The league is named after the legendary Ron Burgundy, so every draft blog's title will be a line from "Anchorman." This should be a good time all around. Anyway, let's get drafting...

3/9, 6:43 AM: The draft kicks off with the first pick in league history to be sent in from foreign soil. That's right, we're international this year, baby! It's cool to say, but does complicate an email draft, given that time limits aren't applicable when the drafter's local time is between midnight and 8 AM. I now have to do calculations of the pick deadline in 3 different time zones...arrgh. Anyway, Kaichi picks David Ortiz, which is a pretty unassailable pick given who's been kept. That sucks, because not having a smart-alecky thing to say about the first pick really messes with my rhythm.

7:06 AM: Vern's up next, and he goes with Carlos Lee. Again, doing the best he can with what's available. Kind of like Lee's first team last year, the Brewers. Too bad Vern's not sponsored by a beer company, too; that would be cool.

1:08 PM: I'll bet you're wondering why I chose that particular "Anchorman" quote as the title for this post. Well, wonder no more. Between wish lists submitted by drafting owners and keeper picks, we got through 14 picks after I was unfortunately forced to autopick for Logan for running through the time limit. Didn't think I'd have to do it that early. Anyway, here's what happened: Logan autopicked Miguel Cabrera, Kevin kept Albert Pujols (more on that later), Dad picked Edgar Renteria, Eric picked Manny being Manny, Amanda picked K-Rod, G kept Alfonso Soriano, Mike kept A-Rod, I kept Johan (yes, I'm on a first-name basis with him; I feel like I built his bandwagon 4 years ago) and Chase Utley (according to G, the whitest-sounding name she's ever heard), Mike keeps Jose Reyes, G keeps Carl Crawford, Amanda keeps Vlad the Impaler, Eric picks Jason Bay and Dad picks David Ross.

I promised more on Albert Pujols, so here it is: an email conversation between my brother Kevin and I from when Kev sent in his keeper list...

Kev: Albert Pujols of course, Julio Lugo, Bobby Abreu, Brian Roberts and Aaron Heilman
LNM: Thanks, Kev! Although, I have to say that Pujols at #4 overall is a bit of a stretch. You sure about that?
Kev: I don't know, I just have a feeling about the kid. This could be a breakout year for him. (Of course you know with me being cocky like this he's going to get deported or something right after we draft...)
LNM: Since I’m feeling nice, I’ll go ahead and reverse-jinx Poo Holes for you: I wouldn’t worry about him being deported as much as I would about the propensity for some Latin players to doctor their birth records to appear younger than they are. After all, Prince Albert was acting very cantankerously and curmudgeonly towards the end of last year. I’m just saying, if he has the statistical drop-off you might expect from, say, a 37-year-old, don’t be completely shocked…

Of course, all of the above provides no insight whatsoever and was simply an excuse for me to refer to the guy as "Poo Holes." Freaking Cardinals....

4:11 PM: Kev's up again, and he goes with Ichiro. That brings us to Logan, who's now home from work (hardly an excuse for missing his first pick) and gets Joe Mauer. You know, teaming the reigning AL batting champ with the best 3rd baseman in the business (or at least, the best one that we're sure won't be put on the Emotionally Disabled List) is a good way to not have pick in the top half of the draft next year. That's followed by Vern's keeper pick of David Wright.

4:44 PM: Kaichi apparently gets up earlier than I do on Saturdays (it's not even 9 AM there now). He grabs BJ Ryan (who, apparently, wouldn't have been a terrible idea for me to keep in the 6th round, as I had the option to do). On the snake pick, Kaichi keeps the best DH only- eligible player on the planet in Travis Hafner, one of four Cleveland Indian keepers on his team, appropriately named "Tribe." This is followed by two more keepers, with Vern holding onto Derek Jeter and Logan locking in Mark Teixeira, who I found out a few years ago was a Georgia Tech teammate of a guy from G's and Logan's high school.

Evolution

2007-02-26T00:33:00.000-08:00

Maybe "3 yards and a cloud of dust" is supposed to be a football analogy, but once again we saw that it works almost as well for Big 10 Basketball. The most recent example: the 49-48 survival of my beloved Buckeyes over those equally scrappy Badgers from Wisconsin (hats off to you guys, and I hope we never see you again this year). I was relieved on a couple different levels after that game. Sure, it was nervewracking watching Ohio State blow that 8-point 2nd Half advantage and spend the last few minutes crawling back from behind, but there was something far greater on the line than that or even the regular season conference championship. The young Bucks have finally beaten one of the big boys. Granted, it was at home, but they had to have this one more than any other squad I can recall at present (although it is late right now; maybe I'll come up with something by morning).

Three times this season, Ohio State has gone into the lion's den, and UNC, Florida and Wisconsin all chewed them up and spit them out. After Sunday's brutal contest, however, I think it's safe to say that the shell of this team has hardened enough to resemble its namesake. Make no mistake, this group is still a work in progress, as evidenced by a few sloppy passes here, a few Greg Oden travels there and of course that helter-skelter sequence with about 45 seconds to go trailing by 1 that at the time I was 95% sure had cost them the game. To their credit, however, they collected themselves enough to pounce on the opportunity provided by Wisconsin's Kammron Taylor missing the front end of a 1-and-1. Then, Mike Conley Jr., who continues to improve every time I see him (although I wish he'd inherited a little of his dad's jumping ability; dunks would have looked really nice at the end of those couple of runouts he had), made a clutch runner in the lane. Last, but certainly not least, there was the monster block by senior leader and erstwhile bunch scorer Ron Lewis. If the Buckeyes end up the year cutting down the nets at the Georgia Dome, I think we'll look back on those final minutes as the catalyst, because it was a convergence of so many things crucial for a young team: finally getting that first top-quality W, clawing back from a late defecit after blowing the lead, winning a hard-fought defensive struggle in the final 15 seconds, having the freshman floor general take over when he was needed most and seeing the veteran leader simply refuse to let his team to go down.

On an unrelated note, is anyone else getting tired of any reference to the 1962 team (the last Buckeyes to end as AP #1 and the last to play for the NCAA title) ending with "and a sub named Bob Knight" and the like? I've seen it at least half a dozen times this year. That is all.

Back In the Saddle

2007-02-10T02:44:00.000-08:00

With my basketball team hopefully on the road to recovery (currently 5-4 against the league leaders this week), I'm starting to turn some attention to fantasy baseball. As the commissioner, defending champ and husband of the only other champ in league history, the pressure to dominate my fake baseball league couldn't be higher (I'll pause while the gravity of that sentence, and what me making a statement like that implies about my sanity, sinks in). The first order of business is to see who's coming back. Within six hours of sending out the email to invite everyone back, 5 of the usual suspects already responded, including G's and my friend Kevin in Taipei. (that's right, we're international, baby!) He lost to G in the inaugural league championship in 2005 but fell on hard times last year, missing the playoffs. That hasn't diminished his trash-talking ability one iota. As the all-time league leader in this category (and it isn't even close), you can always count on Kevin to spice things up a bit. In this case, he's vowing payback to the rest of the league for his 2006 struggles. He tends to load up on Cleveland Indians, so they're going to need to avoid underachieving (as they did last year) if Kevin is to follow up on his pledge.

This is a keeper league, so I'm going to have some interesting decisions to make pretty soon here. The league hasn't voted on how many players we get to hold onto, but one thing's for sure: I won't be able to keep everyone I want. Johan Santana's a no-brainer, but beyond that, about half of my team is roughly on that next level of guys you want, but may not be slam dunks depending on how many guys get to stick around and what you need to give up to hold onto them (last year, we regarded keeper picks as slotted into the team's Xth-round draft pick, and we'll probably do something similar this year). Do I lock in 2006 slugging revelation Chris Duncan (22 HR in 280 AB)? How about a proven power hitter in a walk year (Jermaine Dye)? Steals are rare, so do I hang onto breakout thief Hanley Ramirez, who had 51 last year? Speaking of scarcity, what about Chase Utley, a power source at an unlikely position (2B)? Then, you go to pitching. I loved last year's bullpen (in particular veterans BJ Ryan and Scot Shields, plus my sleeper closer du jour, Chris Ray of Baltimore), but in large part because of my historical success with guys like Ray, I'm likely to cut down my keeper list here first.

Finally, Jered Weaver presents a uniquely interesting case (hence, he gets his own paragraph). If you project his numbers over an entire year, you end up with something like 21-4, 200 K, 2.60 ERA and 1.05 WHIP. Of course, you can't really do that; he could hit a wall in his first full big-league season, hitters could figure him out, he could figure them out more, he might get more or less support from the Angels this year, he's likely to go up against opponents' #1 and #2 starters where he faced #4 and #5 guys last year, and there's probably at least half a dozen other factors I can't even think of right now. Even though a lot of those are negative, you can't ignore the potential this guy has. I'm likely to keep him, since the fact that I got him on waivers last year as opposed to in the draft will likely make him a bargain, but Weaver's one of those guys that could make or break my season. If he puts the type of numbers up that I mentioned a couple sentences ago, combined with yet another solid season from Johan (I've been on his bandwagon since he was a part-time starter in 2003, so we're on a first-name basis at this point), then my team will go quite far in the pitching categories. If not, my season might not be toast, but it will put more pressure on me to mine for a solid but heretofore unknown or unremarkable starter in the regular draft.

Well, I think I just set the record for talking about a fantasy league whose members aren't even set yet, so I think I'll shut it down for now.

What I Learned From the Super Bowl

2007-02-05T17:07:00.000-08:00

I’d like to thank the Colts and Bears for providing an extremely enjoyable TV watching experience. OK, extremely enjoyable for most people outside the Chicago and Boston metropolitan areas, but still. I never thought I’d be so entertained by a game in which there were 8 turnovers, but as one of my viewing companions noted, the miscues were so evenly distributed (especially early on) that all they did was provide more intrigue. Since the sloppy weather was so much of a factor, just imagine how entertaining the game would have been had they played it in Fort Wayne, Indiana as Tony Dungy jokingly suggested they do, due to it being roughly halfway between Indy and Chicago (according to my brother-in-law, who lives in Fort Wayne, being mentioned by Dungy in the national media caused a big stir there; I think they’re going to rename the city Dungyville any day now).

On the whole, I did very badly with my pregame prognosticating. I did get the one right about Grossman playing poorly, but predicting that is like betting on seeing a borderline insane-sounding rant in any post-1989 Al Pacino movie. You know it’s coming since it’s the guy’s calling card, yet you’re never quite prepared for it because it comes at you out of nowhere. By the way, does anyone else hear all the talk about Bad Rex and Good Rex and half-expect Lovie Smith to be waiting on the sideline with either a scolding finger or a doggie treat for Grossman, depending on how a particular drive turned out? (“Yay touchdown! Treats for touchdown!”)

One prediction I am quite proud of, however, is getting within 9 total points of the correct score. As terrible as I usually am at predicting game outcomes and scores, I actually feel like I won my own personal Super Bowl. Those of you who read this blog semi-regularly know me well enough to realize that I’m just warped enough to believe this.

Peyton Manning said all the right things after being selected the game’s MVP, which was utterly disappointing, although by no means a surprise. Seriously, guys, would it be too much to ask for someone to pull a Leon in this situation to keep things interesting? Anyway, I wouldn’t be shocked, despite Manning’s outward graciousness, if somewhere deep within him he allowed himself this thought: “You know, I’m so glad we don’t have that idiot kicker anymore; he’s just not mentally tough enough to win a championship.” After last year’s divisional game against Pittsburgh, I’d have to agree with such a sentiment. Conversely, you can be certain that Vanderjagt is off somewhere thinking, “If I were still there, we’d have won by 3 more points.” You know what? He’d be absolutely correct, too. Since the field goal Vinatieri missed at the end of the first half had no bearing whatsoever on the game’s final outcome, Vanderjagt would have totally nailed it.

Back to the MVP award, I’m not surprised it went to Manning. There was no clear-cut candidate and when that happens, it always goes to the winning team’s QB. Plus, it makes for the best story given all that he’s gone through. While I don’t have a problem with any of that, and while Manning did make a number of nice plays, I would have given the award to Dominic Rhodes if I were making the decision at the end of the game. It just always seemed like whenever he was on the field, the Bears’ vaunted defense didn’t have an answer for his rugged, north-south style, and he moved the chains in some key situations. After listening to a post-game interview with Rhodes this morning, though, I think he had the best idea of all: give it to the Colts’ offensive line. They did play superbly after some early trouble with false starts, and without their efforts neither Rhodes nor Joseph Addai would have had nearly the impact on the game that they did. Plus, if the line play weren’t so flawless, we all know that Manning would definitely have showed off those happy feet that always got him into postseason trouble in years past.

I realize I’m about to become the 1,000,000th person to say this, but I’m really happy for Tony Dungy. I’ve known about him since his days as Vikings defensive coordinator, so obviously I have a bit of a soft spot for him to begin with. However, anyone has to appreciate a guy who paid more dues than he should have had to, watched another guy coach his players to the championship the year after he was unjustly fired, endured horrible personal tragedies and persevered through several near-misses until he finally got the title he so richly deserved. What’s more, he did all of this with a level of class and grace that thoroughly impresses everyone he meets. Congratulations, Coach Dungy; you’ve earned this and then some.

Rambis Needs New Rec Specs

2007-02-03T01:50:00.000-08:00

The hangover from my monumental fantasy football disaster has spilled over into basketball, were Rambis's Heroes sit in 5th place at 53-63, 22.5 games out of first. That's what leaving 2 of the 9 guys in your starting lineup in place despite injuries lasting over a month each will do to you. You may recall me being rather upbeat about my team's chances during the live blogging of the draft, at least to the point where I felt comfortable making numerous snarky comments about everyone else's teams (of course, my prediction of self-jinxing after several such remarks directed at Kevin's team seems rather prophetic with him sitting in 2nd place right now).

If you wait until the beginning of February to bother to log into your basketball league's website, you're going to pay for it, and I have. The good news is that I only need to have a team good enough to ride a hot streak the last three weeks of the season; it's a 6-team league and everyone gets into the playoffs. Even Jim Mora can't argue with those odds. Plus, my team is actually starting to show signs of life. Despite the absence of Paul Pierce and the fact the David West is still getting back into shape from his elbow surgery, I pulled off a 7-2 record last week, and I'm working on a 6-3 right now. In other words, the team's been the fantasy league equivalent of Greg Oden. Next week, we'll see what happens when I give my team its right hand back (although, since the replacement right hand comes in the form of one Jamal Crawford, I can't be too comfortable just yet).

Wait, it's Super Bowl Week?

2007-02-02T17:41:00.000-08:00

Some random ramblings about the Super Bowl, since I’ve been too much of a slacker to write about it until now:

1. Will Smith’s “Welcome to Miami” will be heard at some point in the evening. (it’s a softball, I know, but I’m just getting warmed up)

2. Peyton Manning probably feels like he’s Matthew Broderick’s character in “Project X” with as many questions as he’s had to answer about monkeys lately.

3. We will hear some variation of “Cover 2” or “Tampa 2” approximately 563,492 times on Sunday.

4. I can’t remember the last time the cities of the Super Bowl teams were this close geographically. Since it’s the Super Bowl, it probably won’t impact the ratings much, but can you imagine how annoyed the TV networks would be if, say, the White Sox played the Brewers in the World Series?

5. Everyone kept comparing Tank Johnson to Ray Lewis on Media Day, but where was Johnson’s Shannon Sharpe? I think the lack of vocal team camaraderie will cause the Tank to come out flat instead of flattening Indy’s O-Line.

6. I’m perplexed by the Colts being favored by a touchdown. Wasn’t the media perpetually enamored with the Bears’ defense? Didn’t Manning and Tony Dungy always choke in big games? The “experts” are down on things they've always been high on and vice versa, and it’s confusing the heck out of me. I need Chris Collinsworth to explain this to me while Sharpe and Jerome Bettis fake laugh in the background.

7. I would make some reference to Edgerrin James’s free agency timing and the location of this year’s Super Bowl, but he knows what he did.

8. The media has heaped more coverage on poor Dallas Clark in three weeks than he’s gotten the entire rest of his career combined. This, of course, leads into a game against arguably the best defense in the league at stopping the tight end. Does the combination of jinxing and horrible circumstances lead to Clark breaking an ankle running out of the tunnel, or will the sheer amount of bad mojo cause it to reverse its polarity and pave the way for our first-ever Super Bowl MVP TE? Are you taking notes, CBS pregame show?

9. You know those commercials where Peyton cheers for regular people at their jobs? Well, given the level of talent disparity between him and his Bears counterpart, Rex Grossman, I think MasterCard had better have the cameras rolling for every Chicago possession.

10. Would you trust a therapist named “Bruiser”? How about a chef called “Slim”? Are you interested in getting in the car with a taxi driver who goes by “Squints”? Or….well, anyway, if you don’t see where I’m going with this, then you obviously aren’t paying attention.

I suppose I should make a prediction, right? I’ll go by the extremely scientific method of picking the team I want to win and then making two numbers up for the scores. We’ll say…Colts 24, Bears 13.

Mr. G

2007-01-18T18:22:00.000-08:00

Occasionally, an epic event happens that transcends the boundaries of sport and makes a real difference in life. Just such an event happened to me on January 13, when I became Mr. G. Yes, the lovely lady of my life is now stuck with me permanently. Poor thing.

In all seriousness, and my most recent post aside, the healing process from the events of January 8 really began when I said "I do." So important was that wedding that I told G that last week was still the best week of my life. I meant every word of it. Wherever the reader finds this, please raise a virtual glass to the woman who listens patiently to all of the maniacal ravings of which this blog is only the tip of the iceberg, and still finds it within her to love me anyway. You're the best, G!

Let the Healing Begin

2007-01-18T17:58:00.000-08:00

It took a week and a half, but I think I’m finally ready to comment on the horrific happenings in Glendale. The Buckeyes’ epic egg-laying against Florida, combined with the Vikings losing 10 games despite the NFL’s best run defense and my worst fantasy football season since fatefully drafting Fragile Freddy Taylor and Brian “Beware of My Own Dog” Griese in the 2nd and 3rd rounds in 2001, officially cemented 2006 as the most disappointing football chapter in my history. Yet, every cloud has a silver lining or two, and I think I’ve found mine. Here it is: I am completely and totally responsible for the National Championship debacle. Wait, that doesn’t sound like any consolation at all, does it? Well, the good news is that I think I’ve figured out how to avoid all such future catastrophes.

Upon a substantial amount of reflection, I’ve discovered many things that I either did wrong or noticed going wrong in the day or two preceding the game as well during the contest itself that ended up creating a mountain too big even for the best big-game coach and quarterback tandem in modern college football history to overcome. I’ve decided to present them as examples to a set of rules that I firmly believe can help you, the reader, avoid similar disappointments while cheering on your favorite teams. Without further ado, here is the Superstitious Fan’s Guide to Watching Sports:

1. Do not do anything the day of the game that could be construed as a metaphor for poor performance by your team. If you’re viscerally connected to your team like I am, you’re basically a walking voodoo doll. If you do something, so will they. For instance, at one point on the day in question, I dropped my car keys no fewer than 4 times within one hour. Sure enough, later that night, the Buckeyes made so many mental mistakes and turnovers that I spent the entire 2nd quarter scanning their sideline for evidence of John Cooper’s presence. Another good example of something you don’t want to do is start shooting at trash cans right before your guys play an important basketball game. The downside is just too great.

2. Under no circumstances are you to engage a fellow fan in conversation about one of your team’s stars while said fan is wearing a replica jersey for said star. I feel at this moment that a personal apology to Troy Smith is in order. I was being served at a Wendy’s by a girl wearing a #10 OSU jersey, and our subsequent five minute bragging session about Smith not only prompted the worst performance of his career at the worst possible time, it probably also cost him millions of dollars at the next level. Sorry, Troy; as an experienced sports fan, I really should have known better.

3. While we’re on the subject, don’t brag about your team/put down your opponent at all within several hours of game time. There’s a reason coachspeak and clichés are so prevalent. My brother Kevin and I engaged in a pump-each-other-up phone call about the game that afternoon, and then we saw everything that we talked about happen…in the opposite direction!

4. Also, if you find any taunting of your opponent playing on any local media, turn it off IMMEDIATELY! My wife and I were listening to a Columbus radio station while running some errands and heard a pro-OSU chant come on. Turned out it was the beginning of one of the most atrocious-sounding songs I’d ever heard, a rap song saying something to the effect of us being about to destroy the Gators. While I hoped it would turn out to be true, I should have known that just the act of listening to it would bring about the exact opposite effect. We disgustedly turned off the song after an ear-torturing minute and a half, but the damage was done.

5. While watching the game, stop complaining about poor officiating for at least a minute if something good happens. I failed to heed this rule after the referees finally decided to stop awarding an extra yard to each Florida offensive spot of the ball (resulting in the first Gator punt), and within minutes of my faux pas the Buckeyes failed to convert a 4th and 1 and fumbled on successive possessions, both deep within their own territory. It’s probably a good policy not to complain at all, but most of us diehards aren’t capable of that, so at least be grateful enough when you see something positive happen to stop whatever whining you were doing for a little bit.

6. Know your history with your potential gametime companions and act accordingly. I ignore this rule time and time again, and I always kick myself for it later. My personal maxim in this regard can be summed up thusly: “Wherever two or more Lockers are gathered, athletic catastrophe ensues.” I was so looking forward to watching my team play for all the marbles with the people closest to me that I neglected the fact that out of 4 championships won by my teams since the 1990 World Series, another family member has been in the same building as me exactly zero times. The Reds in particular have suffered from this, as they are 1-7 when I watch them live with any of my relatives. In one of those games, my siblings and I even got embarrassed on the Jumbotron (we had the letters R-E-D-S painted on our shirts, but didn’t get shown to the rest of the crowd until we switched seats and were out of order in the 8th inning). Back to the game in question, the application of this rule is painfully obvious: I took in the 2003 Fiesta Bowl at a Michigan bar in Chicago and was only even acquainted with 4 people present, and the Bucks won; I watched the 2007 BCS Championship from the comfort of Kevin’s living room and, well, you know what happened …

7. If you make any donations (generally only applies to collegiate teams), be sure to specify that they go ANYWHERE other than the university’s advertising budget. I have yet to see a game where the team with more commercials shown during the game ended up winning. Ohio State brought this style of tempting fate to the level of an art form by including TROY FREAKING SMITH in its self-aggrandizement. OK, so maybe Troy’s shoddy play wasn’t all my fault…

8. Another college football-specific rule: do whatever you can to make sure that the marching band plays something upbeat/inspiring and that doesn’t refer to an ill-fated boat trip during halftime. If you have no control over such things, then hit the mute button, start playing some Survivor, and keep it on for the duration of the band’s performance to balance out the bad mojo. In fact, it probably doesn’t hurt to add in “Hearts On Fire” during the next commercial break and tell Emmett Smith that you must break him the next time he’s on camera, just to be safe.

9. Lastly, if you do happen to ignore any of the above, make sure you don’t notice it. I thought about each and every one of the above rules that I violated in the days leading up to the game, as it was happening. One of the worst things you can do is be aware of when you’re jinxing your team. The moral? Don’t be superstitious; it’s bad luck.

Win James Dolan's Money, The Draft: The Finale

2006-10-28T23:12:00.000-07:00

10/27, 12:10 PM: Kevin decides he doesn't care who he gets for his first 2 bench spots and lets the Yahoo list cast the die for him. He immediately regrets this decision when the second pick ends up being Starbury, whom he really despises. Guess I know who's going to be the first player to hit the waiver wire. His other pick here is another point guard in the form of the mercurial Mike James. Vern takes a page from Kevin's book in grabbing the injury-prone Larry Hughes.

6:30 PM: Amanda takes MoPete in a nod to her Michigan roots. I, too, reach back into my past for my next pick. Continuing the "If your college team couldn't beat them, join them" strategy I began by picking David West, I go with St. Joe's alum Jameer Nelson, a point guard that lighted it up after becoming the full-time starter in Orlando last year.

10/28, 12:53 PM: Jason takes Baron Davis, which means he really needs to grab the Baron's chiropractor in the last round for the handcuff pick. Logan's up next, and being the fantasy veteran he is, he realizes that even on a fantasy team you need a guy that does the little things. You know, like grab rebounds, guard the paint and look like the Hulkster. That's right, we have a Chris Kaman sighting, ladies and gentlemen! How do you follow that up? By taking the league's best flopper, Manu Ginobili, which Logan did. Back to Jason, who takes Rip Hamilton. Hard to imagine how such a good scorer dropped this far. This pick's so good that I have no joke here; I hate that. My last pick is up next, and I complete my Kiddie Corps bench by drafting Brandon Roy. He's already the starting 2-guard for the Jail Blazers, so as long as the Culture of Convicts doesn't get to him, he should see big minutes.

3:15 PM: Amanda clearly saw a lot of last year's playoffs, because she's taking Josh Howard here.

4:51 PM: Vern's going with Brendan Haywood, apparently oblivious to the fact that we're not doing a 2000 fantasy college basketball league...

8:22 PM: Kevin finishes things off with Andre Iguodala. Looks like Basedow is just going to have to settle for being Kev's fantasy team's fitness coach. With all of Kev's injury-prone players, that might be the most important job that team has.

There you have it, our first fantasy draft live blog. Hope you liked it. For me, it'll mainly be something to look back on when it's 5 weeks into the season and I'm wondering how I could possibly have thought it was a good idea to pick (fill in the blank).

Big 10 vs. SEC - A Different Perspective

2006-10-27T17:29:00.000-07:00

We interrupt this coverage of the Win James Dolan's Money draft to bring you the SEC vs. Big 10 discussion I promised a few weeks back.

OK, here's the deal. We all know that the SEC is lauded year-in and year-out as the toughest college football conference in the nation. I don't have a particular reason to think that isn't true this year. But, I think there's more room for reasonable doubt than most are allowing.

How can I speak such blasphemy? It's surprisingly simple, really. How many marquee out-of-conference wins does the SEC have? I count only one, Tennessee's season-opening thrashing in Knoxville of Cal, who's looked pretty good since. By contrast, the Big 10 can boast of Ohio State's and Michigan's convincing road wins over Texas and Notre Dame respectively, both of whom are also otherwise undefeated. That same Wolverines squad also has the only win in this year's Big 10 vs. SEC series, a 27-7 victory over Vanderbilt, which in turn beat one of the SEC's big dogs (pun intended) in winning at Georgia.

But the SEC schools have ridiculously tough in-conference opponents, you say? Well, how do we really know? Before you call me crazy, just think about it for a moment. The polls tell us that the SEC has a lot of highly-ranked teams, but how did they get there? Save pleasant surprise Arkansas and not-so-pleasant surprise Georgia, their positions are largely based on preseason rankings. Only the aforementioned Volunteers have validated their rankings against superior outside competition. This may appear to boost Florida's case as well, but you can't play both the "on any given Saturday" and the "look at us, we beat a tough team" cards at the same time, which so many SEC partisans seem to do. And just for the record, the "on any given Saturday" phenomenon does not mean your conference has superior depth; it simply means that your conference is like any other one throughout the country. Every league has upsets; yours do not make your league special. Get over it.

What about the computers? Surely they know how to rate teams with imbalanced schedules, right? Well, any system that can rank a team that has struggled to get by most weeks (relying on gifts from opponents as often as not) ahead of a squad that hasn't won by less than 17 and with a win that dwarfs anything on the other teams' schedule doesn't earn my trust. As most of you know, I'm a numbers guy, but I can't put any faith in the BCS computers until USC drops behind OSU and Michigan, where it belongs.

Look, there's no doubt that some quality football is being played in the SEC. But until they do more to prove their worth on the field against meaningful outside competition, I won't acknowledge them as the undisputed best conference of 2006. Not that they care, of course, but I'm just saying.

Win James Dolan's Money, The Draft: Part 2

2006-10-26T17:14:00.000-07:00

10/20, 9:45 PM: Amanda selects Chauncey Billups just ahead of our resident Detroiter. Vern counters with ‘Melo, whom the Pistons could have had if they had not instead chosen to mess with Darko’s head for a few years.

10:30 PM: Kevin, looking to recreate his wife’s strategy from last year of riding anyone named Wallace to victory, grabs Ben and Rasheed. William Wallace, sadly, is unavailable, although I’m convinced he would have made a killer undersized PF, not to mention the leadership skills he undoubtedly would have brought to the locker room. Vern needs a PG, so he goes with Jason Terry.

10/21, 2:05 PM: Amanda opts for the stat-stuffing Lamar Odom, probably because she somehow knew I was thinking about him at the next spot. The guy I really wanted, though, is still here, so I take Dwight Howard. I’d been waiting on him for a few rounds, but finally decided I couldn’t wait any longer. I now have last year’s two best rebounders, and I think DH is going to continue to improve his scoring as well. Jason grabs the first Buckeye of the draft, Michael Redd, followed by Logan taking Antawn Jamison and Mike Bibby, who I was starting to consider for next time. Apparently, Jason’s in my head, too, because he takes Joe Johnson. So, down to Option C for my 6th round pick, I decide that I need to put a stop to Kevin’s Wallace Plan by taking Gerald of the Bobcats. In addition to it being my brotherly duty to put a wrench into Kev’s plans, a quick look at last year’s stats reveals that Gerald Wallace might be Ron Artest, minus a little scoring but also with much less potential for a season-ending fight. Works for me!

3:35 PM: Amanda takes Jermaine O’Neal, who I was considering for filling my increasingly gaping hole in the middle but ultimately decided against taking on his injury risk this early.

6:25 PM: Vern’s running a little late on this pick, so I give him a call to see what’s up. Turns out he’s at B-Dubs watching the Tigers in the World Series. How dare he! I suppose I’ll forgive it just this once…anyway, he wants Jason Richardson. Done.

10/24, 8:47 AM: After a semi-brief hiatus while I was recovering from being under the weather, we pick things back up with Kev. He goes for Josh Smith and Rashard Lewis, both of whom were under consideration for my next pick. Clearly, he’s still miffed about me breaking up the Wallace Trifecta.

12:05 PM: Vern gets Boris Diaw, saving me from having to get a player I grew to hate during last year’s playoffs but also depriving me of the best available center. Amanda decides that she wants to act on Gauri’s comment about “Kirk playing for her team” by picking up Kirk Hinrich. The only problem I see with that pick is that she’s already down one game the first week of the season at Hinrich’s position (keeping in mind that Dwyane Wade has already fouled Hinrich and almost every other Bulls guard out of next Tuesday’s game). I’m next, and I decide enough is enough with not having a center. This is usually one of the first positions I fill, although in past years I tend to do it with guys like Dirk, who are centers in Yahoo eligibility only. In keeping with the latter trend, my selection is Mehmet Okur, who had a breakout season a year ago. Jason follows up with Richard Jefferson, a favorite of his. I’ve been in 3 fantasy hoops leagues with Jason in the last 4 years, and it seems to me that 2 things have remained constant: his team name (notaplayajstcrshalot), and the presence of Richard Jefferson.

4:30 PM: Logan took one look at his roster and saw a gaping hole in his team. He was sorely lacking one thing: Last Name Letters. He remedied this by taking Peja Stojakovic and Wally Szczerbiak. In doing so, he screwed me over yet again; I almost took Peja last time to balance the nearly Shaq-esque free-throw shooting of Gerald Wallace and Dwight Howard. Hey, speaking of Shaq, isn’t it funny that we’re 43 picks into the draft and haven’t heard the Diesel’s name yet? Jason sure thinks so. The Big Free-Fall’s wait ends at the #44 spot.

5:30 PM: Still reeling from the Peja debacle, I may have reached a bit by going with his new teammate David West. I’ve been impressed with West since his days of thrashing my alma mater a few times a year, but I’m not sure if I couldn’t have waited another round or two on him. This may start to keep me up at night if Chris Paul doesn’t feed him approximately 50 times a game. Brad Miller is Amanda’s pick at the next spot…I, uh, really can’t think of anything interesting to say about him, so I’ll move on…

9:08 PM: Vern takes the first member of the Jail Blazers, Zach Randolph. And no, I don’t think I’ll stop calling them that anytime soon.

10/25, 8:52 AM: Kevin takes his man, Marcus Camby, and follows that up with the injured Pau Gasol. He immediately makes Gasol and Bryant co-captains of his mash unit… I mean, fantasy squad in light of their leadership skills, which they displayed by managing to get hurt before the season even started. Seriously, Kev needs to rename his team the Grant Hill All-Stars. And yes, I have just ensured that meteorites will fall on each and every member of my fantasy team within the next week by making one too many jokes about the collective injury propensity of my brother’s roster. In other news, Vern takes sixth man extraordinaire Ben Gordon. Normally, I’d say Vern should be pretty concerned with Gordon fouling out of the Bulls/Heat season opener, but as he doesn’t play defense and is liable to let D-Wade drive right past him, Gordon should be safe.

9:17 AM: Amanda: “Ron Artest”; Me: “Are you sure?”; Amanda: “Yes. I feel sick to my stomach, but yes. I need the Steals. I hate fantasy basketball.” Indeed.

9:50 AM: Well, I should have known this would happen. I make a comment about KG not having any supporting cast in Minny, and what do I do? I grab one of his teammates, Ricky Davis. Although, to be fair, anyone who once shot at the wrong basket just so that he can get his last rebound for a triple-double can’t really be called a “supporting” player (although such creative stat-grabbing is well appreciated by his fantasy owners). Besides, it’s a well-known rule that a league commissioner can change his mind anytime a 19-5-5 guy is available at the 52nd overall pick. Emeka Okafor, who has one of the best Vowel Ratios out there, is scooped up by Jason next as I continue my assault on Harry Doyle’s all-time Useless Statistics Cited record (does that count, too?).

10/26, 9:57 AM: Logan tries to draft the already-taken Brad Miller and Ricky Davis. Oh no, Logan, you’re not getting Davis after all the trouble I went to in justifying picking him! So you get Carlos Boozer and Raymond Felton instead. That’ll teach you! Jason’s up next, and since we don’t keep track of Extra Timeout Technical Fouls, Chris Webber’s his man. (Note: It is every Buckeye fan’s duty to bring this up whenever C-Webb is mentioned; I don’t care that it happened 13 years ago.) That brings us back to my turn. Now, the name I came up with for the league is a bit of a shot at the Knicks, but I want to make sure that Isaiah doesn’t crucify me in the media the way he did Greg Anthony after the ESPN analyst criticized Isaiah’s selection of Ronaldo Balkman. So, to appease my and Bill Simmons’s favorite NBA punching bag, I decided to take one of his other draft picks, Channing Frye. I needed a backup center, and Frye could turn out to be Amare Lite if the Knicks go to a running attack like everyone’s predicting.

10:33 AM: Amanda takes Caron Butler without regrets (as far as I know).

12:19 PM: Vern picks Corey Maggette next. Since this is the 10th round and we only start 9 in this league, Vern should be very concerned with the possible chemistry disruption to his fantasy team if Maggette doesn’t find his way into the lineup.

Win James Dolan's Money, The Draft

2006-10-20T17:22:00.000-07:00

OK, fantasy basketball fans, time to take you inside the unnecessarily neurotic mind of an owner in the process of drafting his team. There’s a lot of pressure on me, as there always is on the league commissioner, to not royally suck. That’s especially true this year, since last year’s league:

a) Got started 6 weeks too late, and
b) Ended with me getting destroyed by my sister-in-law in the first round of the playoffs after I barely qualified.

So, I’m going to be agonizing over everything this time, hoping to not repeat the mistakes of the past, and you get to come along for the ride. Currently (and likely for the only time during this process), I’m feeling pretty good by virtue of my coming up with a solid name for the league (after all, ripping on the Knicks is FUNdamental!) and the fact that the draft’s actually starting before the season. Here we go:

10/19, 10:00 AM: It’s a short league this year, with only six owners. But, on the plus side, they’ve all been in several leagues with me before and they’re pretty serious about this stuff, so we should at least keep things moving along well. Here’s the order:

Kevin
Vern
Amanda
Me
Jason
Logan

Kelli, my aforementioned Kryptonite from last season, will not be participating this year. Yes, the sound you just heard was a shameless sigh of relief. Unfortunately, her team’s GM is still present, as hubby Kevin provided significant assistance (and by “significant”, I mean “total”), since she doesn’t really follow basketball. I do hear that he’s got her occasionally asking him questions as he’s watching sports on TV now, though. It’s a start, I suppose. Anyway, back to the draft…

I’m not crazy about drawing #4. I see Kobe Bryant in my future, and I can’t imagine he’s going to have as strong a year as he had last year due to both of the Law of Averages and that pesky matter of his off-season surgery. Even so, I can’t pass on the Mamba at that spot unless I have a really good reason.

I’m giving everyone until tomorrow to think about it, so we’ll pick things up then…

10/20, 8:30 AM: My brother rocks! He just saved me from the Kobe Dilemma by taking Bryant #1 overall! His reasoning: he wanted to take someone named after steak. As every good fantasy owner knows, you’ve got to think with your stomach first. Vern’s next, and he grabs Dwyane Wade. This could really pay off for him, as Wade’s a good free-throw shooter and after last year’s playoffs, I’m convinced he averages no fewer than 30 attempts per game this season. In fact, I think Kirk Hinrich just fouled out of the season opener…

9:03 AM: Amanda, your thoughts? “Wow. No-brainer here....LeBron James”. Yeah, that’s what I said, too, you !@#$!@# I need to compose myself before making the next selection. Wait, no I don’t, this pick is pretty obvious, too. Assuming KG doesn’t finally snap and pull a Sprewell on Kevin McHale for giving him no supporting cast for the third straight year, he’ll be fantastic.

9:29 AM: The next 4 picks come rapid-fire: Dirk Nowitzki for Jason, followed by Shawn Marion and Elton Brand to Logan, and then Jason grabs Gilbert Arenas. I was desperately hoping one of those four guys got through to me since I have no idea who else to go with here, but predictably, they all got snapped up. My brother’s food addiction aside, we’re not off to a great start in the luck department here. After a few minutes of wrangling between several guys, I settle into a debate between taking Amare’s potential and a solid start on rebounding and blocked shots (if I combined him with Garnett) vs. grabbing the ever-rare double-digit assists man in Steve Nash, whose dimes will probably even notch up a bit more with Stoudemire’s return. Well, upon further review, Amare’s not as good at rebounding and blocking as I thought, and Nash also helps with 3s and FT% and has a surprisingly good FG% for a guard. OK, I’ll go with Nash, I think…

9:43 AM: Alright, Nash is my guy.

9:44 AM: Wait, Stoudemire has C eligibility and the only other decent C for the next couple rounds is Tim Duncan! But too late, I already emailed my pick to the league. I hate fantasy basketball…

10:03 AM: Amanda takes AI as I wonder if I can make “Practices” a scoring category for this year’s league.

12:56 PM: There goes the first C, as Vern takes Tim Duncan. Assuming he avoids the injury bug this time around, Duncan should be on the floor a lot since he’s never committed a foul in his life, so that helps. Speaking of injuries, Kevin made some high-injury risk picks last year (most notably Marcus Camby). Well, he’s at it again with Jason Kidd (the wheels have to come off one of these years) and AK47. I don’t care what happens in the next 9 rounds; this is his whole draft right here. If those two stay healthy to stuff the stat sheet alongside stud scorer Kobe, Kevin’s Fatness Made Simple stands a good chance of taking home the hardware. If they both go down, he’s a pretty safe bet to spend his second consecutive season in the cellar. By the way, don’t let me forget to lobby Kev to make John Basedow Mr. Irrelevant in this draft…

2:52 PM: Vern grabs another star who was injured last year in T-Mac, then Amanda counters by taking young Raptor star Chris Bosh. That brings us back to my team, and since I got a second- (or possibly even third-) tier scorer last time with Nash, I feel the need to pick up some points with this pick. So, I go for Paul Pierce, the top-ranked scorer from 05-06 who’s still available. I have a tendency to forget to select guys that can fill it up early in the draft and force myself to stock my roster with guys like Morris Peterson and Hedo Turkoglu (barely above-average scorers who are mediocre-to-bad in everything else). And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you build a team that squeaks into the playoffs and then immediately gets crushed. Jason then takes Ray Allen, another 25+ PPG guy from last year. Copycat.

5:16 PM: 2 for Logan; they're Chris Paul and Yao Ming. Jason finally snags the freefalling Amare Stoudemire, which makes my decision easier. I'll go with Vince Carter, since I need another scorer and like Pierce, he has a pretty solid all-around game. As long as he doesn't suddenly decide he wants to play for Amanda's team, I should be in good shape.

Corporate Sponsorship...I Live For This

2006-10-11T17:48:00.000-07:00

Over the past couple of years, I've gradually begun to accept the idea of pervasive corporate sponsorship in sports. It took me a while to be OK with them renaming Riverfront Stadium to Cinergy Field (Great American Ballpark at least sounds more authentic), but I made peace with it. "The Rose Bowl Game Presented by Citi" still strikes me as an abomination, and I don't know if I'll ever be fine with that one. The latest example of everything in sports being available for the right price, though, is much less obtrusive, far more inventive and, well, flat-out hilarious.

Yes, if you've got the disposale income, you can now purchase the right to start a baseball game whenever you feel like it. Convenience store chain 7-11 recently signed a 3-year contract to have all White Sox night games start at 7:11 PM. No word yet on whether the deal also included hot dog vending privileges or a requirement to sell Slurpees at US Cellular Field. According to 7-11, they pursued the agreement with the White Sox as a "subtle reminder" to fans to visit their approximately 180 Chicagoland locations.

Sports franchises have gradually sold off everything that wasn't nailed down over the last decade or so, but even that doesn't seem to limit the entrepreneurs in the luxury boxes anymore. Where does it stop now? I'm convinced we're heading towards something resembling the following sequence of commentary:

Brad Nessler: "Welcome to the Staples Center for this afternoon's exciting matchup between the Burger Kings of Sacramento and the Los Angeles Screen Actors Guilders. Here's the opening tip-off, sponsored by Blockbuster Video. The tip is controlled by NBA the Life's Kobe Bryant."

Bill Walton: "Kobe is the greatest scorer in the history of Western Civilization. And if you don't believe me, tune into the History Channel at 9 PM tonight for 'History's Greatest Weapons.'"

Nessler: "Kobe passes the rock, which is sponsored by the DVD release of 'Gridiron Gangs', to Luke Walton, who dribbles to the Kraft Macaroni elbow. Walton gives it up to Kwame Brown inside with a Gerber Baby Food post-feed, and..."

Walton: "Throw it down, big fella, throw it DOWN!!!"

Nessler: "This Bill Walton catchphrase brought to you by AIG."

Giving the Devil His Due

2006-10-10T17:45:00.000-07:00

Over the past 6 years, I've been the biggest Bear Basher out there. I've always felt that their success in this millenium has had at least as much to do with fortuitous bounces as with the Pro Bowlers they've had on defense. Indeed, in a few cases I think that those lucky twists of fate were what made a couple of those players into All-Pros. For instance, Nathan Vasher catches a field goal that was only missed because of near-hurricane-force winds, runs it back for a fluke TD and suddenly, he's the best thing since sliced bread? Puh-leeze. The 2006 version of the Monsters of the Midway, however, has me singing a slightly different tune.

What's different? The easy answer is the offense, and that does have a lot to do with it. I'm not completely sold on Rex Grossman yet, but he's easily the best QB they've had since Mike Tomczak (actually, he's probably also their best since Jim McMahon, but I just wanted an excuse to type "Mike Tomczak"). The leads and confidence that the offense have given the Bears' D allows the latter to play the aggressive, ballhawking style they love.

Also, they seem to have a kicker they can rely on when the offense stalls. Wow, that sentence really hurt! I mean, seriously, Robbie Gould is a Michigan alum who plays for the Bears; is there any football player I have more reason to loathe right now? And, can you believe I'm compelled to feel this way about a KICKER?!

OK, Kirk, breathe. That's better. Anyway, I guess the Bears have a solid team. I would be remiss, however, if I didn't remind you that if Steve Hutchinson didn't miss his block on the Chester Taylor fumble, Chicago would be tied with my Vikes for first right now. I'm just saying.

College Gridiron Heating Up

2006-10-09T19:02:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack of posts lately. I'm trying to get back into it, so we'll see how it goes.

As you all know, it's a pretty happy time for me, as my Buckeyes sit atop the polls as the (nearly) undisputed #1 team, and deservedly so. No offense in the country holds a candle to the collective firepower of Smith, Ginn, Gonzalez, Pittman, et al. Plus, the defense is playing every bit as well as last year. They may not have experience, but to my eye, the only thing they're missing is entrance music for James Laurinaitis.

But, no matter how much I want it to be, college football isn't all about the Scarlet and Gray. There was a lot going on last weekend, so it's time to examine how things shake out behind The Best Damn Team in the Land...

My #2 team is Florida. As much as I think SEC backers overestimate the strength of their league, I can't ignore Saturday's dismantling of a pretty solid LSU team. It pains me to say so, but that team up North is next, and it's pretty close for second. The Wolverines are beating everyone in their path rather handily on both sides of the ball (clearly, they just want to be like the Buckeyes).

USC is behind those two teams because they've relied on late miscues by their unranked opponents to get their last two wins. I looked the other way after their interception to seal their win against Washington State, since at least the Trojans had something to do about the play. However, after watching Washington move the ball at will on their last drive, coming up short only because of the new "ready-to-play" clock rules, I had to drop USC in my estimation. Washington's a much improved team, but USC still let a demonstrably weaker squad hang around for all 60 minutes. I can't drop the Trojans any further than 4th because they are still officially undefeated, but I'm decidedly unimpressed with the Men of Troy.

Most people I've read put West Virginia next, but the only opponent they've beaten with a winning record is an utterly forgettable Maryland squad that was last seen rolling over for Georgia Tech. I know the Jackets have a good team, but when you're in the position the Terps were in the second half, you've got to close the deal. Since the Mountaineers haven't played any quality opponents, I think #5 is the spot for the first one-loss team, the Texas Longhorns. They played the Buckeyes closer than the score indicated, and just last week did the world a favor by beating down those whining Sooners.

I'm going to continue to favor one-loss teams that have played somebody by going with Tennessee at #6. The Volunteers put 51 points on the previously stout Georgia defense last Saturday, in Athens. That's far more impressive than anything either of the unbeaten Big Least contenders have done. I rank Louisville ahead of West Virginia, because while each team has been equally impressive in their victories, the Cardinals can count the Miami Hurricanes among their victims. At least we thought that win meant something at the time...

In my mind, Cal jumped ahead of Notre Dame with their resounding Saturday victory over previously unbeaten Oregon. I do, however, have the Irish rounding out the Top 10 due in large part to their hard-fought opening win over the aforementioned Yellow Jackets. Also, the Irish have had only one patsy on their schedule thus far (winless Stanford), which is far less than most of the top teams out there.

Time to Retire?

2006-03-10T12:10:00.000-08:00

If Bonds' right knee is still causing him significant discomfort, if he "can't even run that much anymore," as he told USA Today, then he isn't going to be of much use to the Giants this season if he doesn’t hit the ball into the bay with every at bat. Bonds has become a liability on the bases - so why not walk him with every at bat and let him clog up the bases.
And if Bonds is truly fed up with the media and all their silly questions about substances that he used and the federal government alleges to be steroids, then the solution is very simple… he should do himself, Major League Baseball and fans a favor and hang up those cleats one last time – just retire.
Then there are the reasons NOT to retire…Six homers short of tying Babe Ruth and 47 short of tying Hank Aaron. Of course the money comes into play, if Bonds retired, he couldn't collect the $18 million he is guaranteed in the final year of his contract or do his proposed ESPN reality show. Bonds' retirement also would probably ruin the Giants' chances of contending in the National League West.
Bonds said, "I've never cared about records, anyway," which is a joke, considering what he said about passing Ruth at the 2003 All-Star break: “ . . . the only number I care about is Babe Ruth's. Because as a left-handed hitter, I wiped him out. That's it. And in the baseball world, Babe Ruth is everything, right? I got his slugging percentage and I'll take his home runs and that's it. Don't talk about him no more."
Slugging percentage? Good thing Barry got that, not that he's keeping track or anything.
If Bonds didn't care about records, perhaps he wouldn't have reacted to the Mark McGwire-Sammy Sosa home-run duel in 1998 by bulking up — legally or illegally— and attempting to wipe them out.
Bonds can protest, "I'm clean, I've always been clean," knowing there is no proof that he used performance-enhancing drugs. The presumption of innocence has taken a hit during the steroid furor, but fans will believe what they want to believe — and many are tired of players who insult their intelligence.
Of course, Bonds' latest concern is not with performance enhancers, but with the pain pills and sleeping pills he needs because of the discomfort in his knee. He told USA Today he has no choice but to take the pills. It can't be a pleasant existence.
Then again, if this season is Bonds' last, Aaron's mark almost certainly will be out of reach, saving MLB the embarrassment of celebrating a tainted slugger passing one of the game's most dignified greats.

Millionaires Behaving Badly

2006-03-02T12:16:00.000-08:00

The current situation in the NFL makes me absolutely sick. By failing to come up with a method for splitting up billions of dollars in annual league revenue among the 32 owners and the players, the NFL now looks as if it will unravel the very fabric of what has made it the premier professional sports organization in the country. The loss of the salary cap for 2007 (and, if you believe NFLPA President Gene Upshaw, as I do, forever) will destroy the competitive balance that allows the NFL such widespread popularity. This popularity, of course, is a big factor in driving those massive revenues into pro football's coffers. The Players Association and the owners are biting the hand that feeds them all, and it's just about the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

I can't see the owners' side of this at all, quite frankly. People who buy professional sports franchises needs to look at the situation the way Mark Cuban did when he purchased the Dallas Mavericks. It's not about making money, although that's possible to do if you run it the right way. The goal should simply be having fun with all of that money that otherwise they'd never be able to spend in a hundred lifetimes. That's why it really bothers me when the richer owners in the league don't feel the need to sacrifice a little bit of their revenues for the common good of the sport. The smaller market owners aren't much better, either. They gripe that they sometimes need to spend 70% of their revenue on player contracts, but that still leaves them with 30%. It doesn't take a mathematician to note that 30% of over $100 million is still a pretty significant chunk of change. At some point, and I would have hoped it could have been this week, common sense should have prevailed, as everyone involved needs to realize that uncertainty in the league's system would lead to corresponding uncertainty in how much money flows into their pockets.

I have a little more sympathy for the players in this, but they're still looking at this the wrong way. Sure, the absence of a salary cap would allow insane rogues such as Daniel Snyder and Jerry Jones to overpay for the services of the league's stars, but what about the rank-and-file of the union's membership? No salary cap also means no minimum on the amount teams can spend, and given how much wringing of hands there is from the small market owners about personnel costs as a percentage of revenue, you have to believe that there are teams that would take advantage of that situation. It also means no individual player minimums and no guarantee of any type of benefits package. If any profession needs to have mandated employee benefits, it's a profession where getting and delivering savage hits are job requirements. The Players Association was already complaining about insufficient pensions, so how could they allow the possibility of losing minimum salaries and benefits for current players, too?

What's my solution? I can't say I have a perfect one, but it seems to me that it's in everyone's best interests, owners and players alike, to meet in the middle. Find some halfway point in both the revenue sharing and player percentage of revenue issues, and go with it. Otherwise, everyone loses.

You Can't Make This Up

2006-02-27T14:32:00.000-08:00

Very few happenings in life are both shocking and completely predictable, but one such moment happened today. Roger Clemens, who got special permission from Major League Baseball to pitch a simulated game to Astros minor leaguers in preparation for the World Baseball Classic, faced off against his oldest son, Koby. On the very first pitch after they removed the screen in front of the Rocket, Koby takes him deep. Now, you know what would happen if that were any other hitter facing off against Roger, but would he do it to his own son? Absolutely! Koby's next time up, he faced some immediate chin music.

Of course, Koby knew it was coming and shrugged it off when asked about it, but you've got to wonder how the dinnertime conversation at the Clemens household is going to go tonight. Come to think of it, what is a day like in Rocket's pad? Does an unauthorized channel change send a coaster whizzing past one's ear? Do his poker buddies have to worry about flying chips if they should happen to have a full boat? And God forbid someone from questioning the man's grilling prowess as he's trying to cut into his steak!

Do Your Job, Mike Patrick!

2006-02-27T09:45:00.000-08:00

Saturday was a rarity for me, as living in the midwest I almost never get a chance to see a Temple University basketball game. Of course, since they played the media darlings from Duke this past weekend, they were allowed to be seen outside of the East Coast. I must say, I was rather pleased with the way my alma mater played, despite the fact that they came up short by 8 points. They probably needed that game to have any at-large hopes for the tournament, and they played with the sense of urgency that such a situation demands. I also don't want to take anything away from Duke, who has a bunch of very good players who played in a manner that reflected their Hall of Fame head coach, Mike Krzyzewski. The only part of the game that I really had a problem with was the play-by-play, regrettably suppplied by ESPN's Mike Patrick.

Patrick's "analysis", simply put, is the reason that I sometimes watch sporting events with the mute button on. His job is to tell me what is happening on the court at any given time, and nothing more. I do not need to know what his position is on the "Duke conspiracy" that college basketball fans sometimes suspects the existence of. I certainly don't think that ESPN was too thrilled when he brought up the alleged conspiracy in the middle of a game that, between Temple's NCAA dreams, Mardy Collins's individual brilliance in a game his team had to have and J.J. Redick's quest for the all-time ACC scoring record (although, in my opinion, that was a bit overplayed as well), prompted plenty of other things to talk about.

I personally think that the color commentator for the game, Len Elmore, deserves a raise for talking Patrick down from his sermonizing and minimizing the damage to his colleague's credibility. As an N.C. State alum, Elmore has a lot more reason to be passionate about the topic than does Patrick, but Elmore simply stated in conciliatory tones that it may sometimes seem as if Duke gets all of the calls because they sometimes get breaks at crucial moments in games (my individual viewpoint is much the same, by the way). He acknowledged the fans' perceptions without being accusatory, which seems like pretty good journalism to me. That's more than I can say for Patrick, who made plain to me what I had suspected for years, that his head is firmly shoved up Krzyzewski's rear end.

Isiah Strikes Again

2006-02-22T11:40:00.000-08:00

Knicks GM Isiah Thomas is nothing if not consistent. If it's a day that ends in "y", then he's thinking about pulling the trigger on another ill-advised deal. He acted on his impulses again today by trading Penny Hardaway's expiring contract and coach Larry Brown's favorite doghouse resident, Trevor Ariza, to Orlando for Stevie Franchise. It's a typical Isiah move, adding salary and questionable character to his team while sacrificing its future, both in youth and cap flexibility. The league's 2nd highest-paid starting backcourt now resides in New York, in the personages of Francis and Stephon Marbury. Whaaaat? If creating internal headaches won basketball games, the Knicks would have about 70 wins right now (yes, I know they've only played 52 games). As it is, they're just going to have to settle for leading the league in wasted money. On the other hand, the Knicks are certainly worth watching just to see how many 8 second violations Francis and Marbury cause by fighting over who gets to bring the ball up the court.

Orlando, meanwhile, has been nearly as active as have the Knicks (although not nearly as shortsighted). They've built up plenty of cap room for the anticipated 2007 free agent bonanza, more than any other team, in fact. Plus, Darko and Ariza can now start their own "Why does Larry hate me?" support group! It's a win-win situation!

Tags and Cuts

2006-02-22T10:06:00.000-08:00

The league that doesn't know the meaning of the word "offseason" is at it again. Some of the first franchise tag and cap casualty news of 2006 is starting to trickle in from around the NFL. Here are the highlights:

1. San Diego will neither franchise nor transition tag Drew Brees, meaning that the former Pro Bowl QB will be shopping for a new home unless he can come to terms with the Chargers by March 3.

2. The Jets are in full panic mode trying to make up their $26 million salary cap excess, cutting such players as CB Ty Law,QB Jay Fiedler,OT Jason Fabini, and FB Jerald Sowell. They're also still trying to get QB Chad Pennington to change the bulk of his base salary to incentives, and are likely to cut him if he won't. Even the player the Jets have chosen to place the franchise tag on, DE John Abraham, is likely to be moved at or near the draft as the Jets get set for a full-blown rebuilding project.

3. Buffalo has named CB Nate Clements their franchise player, no doubt trying to avoid a repeat of when Antoine Winfield fled to the Vikings two years ago.

Many more moves are sure to come as roster bonuses start to come due and teams try to make room under the cap for the new crop of draft picks.

Who's Your Hoosier Pick?

2006-02-20T09:53:00.000-08:00

Eric had an excellent idea! As a follow-up to the Mike Davis resignation, let's give our two cents on who will be the next head basketball coach at Indiana University. Here are your choices:

1. Steve Alford
2. Tom Crean
3. Thad Motta
4. Bob Huggins
5. Other (name the right other coach for 5 more points!)

So Long Darko

2006-02-16T14:21:00.000-08:00

Well let me be the first to say, so long Darko. Your tenacity, talent, and contributions will be missed. Oh wait, you never had any of those. The "Darko Experiment" has finally come to an end. What was the Pistons' organization thinking in 2003 when they selected Mr. Milicic 2nd overall. To think, we could have drafted Carmelo Anthony or Dwyane Wade, but we took an 18 year-old that no one had ever heard of. Oh well, you live and learn.

Is it me or does there seem to be a lot of emphasis being placed on finding the Michael Jordan of Europe? It seems that over the past few years, NBA teams are determined to keep searching for hidden talent in Europe and bring those players to the NBA to be the next hot topic. Don't get me wrong, I am all for diversity in the NBA or any league for that matter. However, I think it is going a little to far. A 2 year-old could have made a better draft selection with the 2nd overall pick. Unfortunately though, the NBA is more of a business these days doing whatever it takes to draw attention to itself. I have accepted the fact that the days of "team" play are over for the most part, with the exception of a couple teams (Spurs, Pistons). On the other hand though, I am still having difficulty in understanding why NBA teams continue to bring in kids straight out of highschool (I believe there is a new rule against highschoolers entering the draft, finally) or foreigners just to draw media attention. Did the Pistons honestly feel that Darko Milicic would be a superstar? How much time did they invest in scouting this kid and really, how does one know if an 18 year-old is NBA material? If the Pistons had the first overall pick in 2003, would they still have drafted Darko or did they believe he was comparable to the likes of Lebron James, Carmelo Anthony, and Dwyane Wade? I really believe that there was some front office politics to draft Darko as a marketing tool.

It is disappointing that NBA teams are willing to sacrifice bringing actual talent into the league for the chance to be the next marketing genius. Thus, my lack of interest in the NBA has diminished and shows no signs of being revived.

Anyways, I wish you good luck in Orlando Darko. Hopefully your career doesn't take a turn for the worst (sarcasm) like a former Piston who was traded to the Magic (Grant "I am my own Achilles" Hill).

Dealing Daunte?

2006-02-16T10:34:00.000-08:00

The Minnesota Vikings have reportedly put Daunte Culpepper on the trading block. What's going to happen with the once-franchise quarterback of the fighting Norsemen? Why don't you tell me? You'll get 3 SG points for making a pick, and 7 more if you're right. If you guess "Other" and tell me the right team, you can pick up 5 more points. Here are the choices for Daunte's destination in 2006:

1. Minnesota
2. Baltimore
3. Oakland
4. Miami
5. Other

5K Challenge

2006-02-16T10:19:00.000-08:00

Anyone out there looking for an excuse to get in shape? Well, my brother Kevin has proposed a challenge involving 5K races and has asked me to let all of you know about it. Basically, the deal is that you get points for bettering your time relative to recent races you've run, with bonuses for winning age group awards or the race or setting a personal record. If you're interested in participating, let me know by leaving a comment or emailing me at lnmsports@gmail.com.

NASCAR Fantasy League

2006-02-16T09:44:00.000-08:00

Our NASCAR fantasy league is about to get under way, so as a courtesy to those league members who read this blog regularly, I thought I'd post some info about the draft. The time schedule's going to be pretty tight, since we're trying to get the Daytona 500 results in. Fortunately, there are only 6 fantasy team owners and 4 drivers per team, so it shouldn't take too long. The draft is going to be over email, and it starts right now. Here is the order:

1. Ahamed
2. Steve
3. Kirk
4. Eric
5. Vern
6. Tom

Here's the plan: tonight, Steve or I will forward an email to everyone in the league about how to sign up for your team. You'll want to sign up tonight and keep up with the draft so that we can enter in our auction picks on Friday. The "auction" will start as soon as the last team has signed up for the league, however, it won't have any official bearing on who gets what player. Instead, we will use the results from our email draft, and bid $1 on each player we pick in the draft (note: no real money is used in this step). Then, we will be able to set our lineups on Saturday in anticipation for the Daytona 500 on Sunday. This is a tough time schedule, but if everyone stays on their email, we can get this done. If it's going to be tough for some reason to check your email repeatedly in the next day or two, you can email your phone number to lnmsports@gmail.com, and I'll call you when it's your turn. Email any questions to that address as well.

Steve also wanted to know if anyone's interested in putting $10 on your team and having a winner-take-all prize pool. Email me at the above address to let me know if you're interested. Good luck!

Lame Duck Hoosier

2006-02-16T07:12:00.000-08:00

Mike Davis is resigning as head coach of Indiana University Basketball, effective at the end of the 2005-06 season. My initial thought on this was how much I feel for a man who seems to be one of the good guys in the game for having to deal with the increasing expectations of antsy boosters and a rabid fan base. The fact of the matter is, the rules of what he needed to accomplish basically changed a little less than halfway through his tenure. Brought in as Bob Knight's replacement a few months before the 2000-01 season, his job at that time was simply to put a good face on Indiana Basketball. He was viewed as the saint that would slowly restore dignity to a program wracked with the bad behavior of the boorish Knight. Then, something happened that changed all of that: the Hoosiers went on that magical, unexpected run through the NCAA tournament (I'm still bitter about how that ruined my bracket that year, by the way...).

After that, the expectations of Davis became the same as they are for every other Division I coach: compete at the highest level, and advance in the NCAA tournament. Suddenly, they didn't care how good of a guy he was, as long as he won. It's true that his teams haven't in fact produced results on the court, including the last two seasons in which they failed to even make the NCAA tournament and this season where they've lost 6 of 7 to fall dangerously close to the wrong side of the bubble. How much of that is due to the fact that Indiana fans, spoiled by the success of Knight's teams, placed more and more pressure on Davis to repeat his 2002 tournament success? I'd say it's at least a factor.

Then again, was Davis's choir boy image ever really that important to begin with? People around IU Basketball said it was in September 2000, and maybe they even believed it. However, the bottom line is that no one cared about how much of a jerk Knight was until his teams started missing the Sweet 16 year after year. He could toss all the chairs he wanted as long as he advanced in the NCAAs. It was the same situation with Davis. Sure, it looked good to the rest of the nation to hire a coach that wouldn't get his hands anywhere near his players' throats, but just like any other basketball power, a cage mentor's success at IU is measured solely in wins, losses, and NCAA tournament banners. That's not exactly earth-shattering news, but it certainly paints a different picture of the Davis hire than then-Indiana A.D. Myles Brand tried to offer 6 years ago.

I'd like to see Davis land on his feet somewhere soon, because like I said he seems to be a quality human being. He has also shown he can take a team to the upper echelon under the right circumstances. I don't think given the way the last few seasons have gone, plus his obvious frustration with IU's powerful boosters, that he'll land a major job. What he might be able to do with great success, though, is follow in the footsteps of another coach that was maligned by a powerful fan base. Matt Doherty is having a great year at Florida Atlantic after being drummed out of Chapel Hill. I think that a mild-mannered coach such as Davis wouldn't have a problem swallowing his ego enough to take a lower-profile job. In fact, given his obvious exasperation with the powers that be at IU, he may even prefer it.

Random Thoughts

2006-02-13T10:09:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the lack of posts lately. Here's what I've missed:

1. Art Shell is the new/old Head Coach of the Raiders. After tooting my own horn with the Krivsky hiring as Reds GM last week, I must mention that I dropped the ball in picking Whisenhunt for this position. Good coach, eminently qualified, and his rep's never been higher, but it was precisely for those reasons that he didn't want to take over in coaching's black hole. Good for Shell, though; he never should have been fired in the first place. Even Al Davis says so, and he never admits a mistake.

2. The whole Wayne Gretzky gambling thing is a non-story, a point emphasized by the fact that his wiretapped conversation that has him asking what can be done to keep his wife safe is now known to have taken place the day investigators broke the news to him. I hope to never hear anything else about this again, but I know better.

3. Michelle Kwan now realizes that she is not physically able to compete at an Olympic-worthy level. I guess I can buy the whole "too much respect for the Games to compete at less than 100%" angle, but doesn't this just underscore why she should have had to compete at the U.S. Trials in the first place?

4. Bode Miller disappointed in his first event in Torino, and later reports surfaced that he was out drinking heavily the night before. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (full disclosure: I'm a huge Lance Armstrong fan)

5. There was some good stuff coming from the Olympics for Americans, however. You had to like the way Shaun White got choked up after winning gold in the halfpipe. And how is it physically possible to do some of the stuff those guys were pulling off? Count me as part of the populace that does not discount X Games-type events as insignificant due to their fledgling status as Olympic events. Those people are athletes, pure and simple.

6. Sammy Sosa is now leaning towards retirement. The response around baseball: a resounding yawn. On the plus side, if he goes through with it, it'll give him more time to learn that confounding English language.

There's one more note to pass along. One of our Sports Guru competitors has proposed starting a NASCAR fantasy league. We'll need at least 4 more people to get it off the ground, though, so if you're interested, please let me know.

Millen Makes Mike Martz Coordinator

2006-02-09T10:53:00.000-08:00

It's finally official: Mike Martz has taken over the Detroit Lions' Offensive Coordinator position. This rectifies a major flaw in the Lions' previous coaching regime under Steve Mariucci: should Head Coach Rod Marinelli need to move out of his role for any reason, the Lions will have a head coach-in-waiting with a surname beginning with the letter "M". This will allow General Manager Matt Millen to carry on his "M&M" management relationship he has had with every Lions coach (Marty Morninwheg, Mariucci, and now Marinelli) except for 2005 interim coach Dick Jauron. Mike Martz even has 2 "M" names! Bonus!

In honor of the Mad Scientist's monumental return to coaching, I'm asking all of you to design a play just crazy enough to work in his twisted mind. You get 1 point for any entry, with an additional point if the running the play itself does not cause any penalties to be called. If Mike Martz actually makes your play a reality, you get 20 total points, and if the Lions march into the endzone on that play, you'll get 100. There are several caveats:

1. We're talking about trick plays here, people. Don't try to submit an off-tackle counter play or a hail mary. I'm not counting it.
2. You need to involve descriptions of what at least 5 of the 11 players are doing.
3. The more outlandish the better. For each time the football changes hands beyond the first, you'll get that amount multiplied by your points. Therefore, a play where the ball changes hands 4 times gets 3 times the amount of points they'd get under the paragraph above.
4. Each player can only be counted for one change of hands in #3, and the quarterback-center exchange cannot count towards that total, although both players are eligible for a later change of hands.
5. Let's try not to be too similar with our plays, but duplication of some elements of other submitted plays is allowed.

To give you an idea of what I'm looking for, here's my play, which is called "Fumblerooski Flea Flicker Double-Reverse Jumbo Pass":

The Lions come out in a singleback 3-WR set with two wide left, a tight end and slot receiver right. The running back is offset to the left, and the quarterback is under center. The right tackle is lined up as an eligible receiver. Before the snap, the slot right receiver motions to the outside. The center snaps the ball and the QB immediately fumbles under the center's legs, but continues dropping back as if nothing has happened and fakes a pitch to the running back, who is faking a sweep to the right. All receivers, the tight end, and the offensive line hold blocks at the line of scrimmage. The offensive line moves the pocket back and to the right, and the left guard picks up the ball and flips it back to the running back, who immediately runs to the left. At this time, the quarterback moves to the right and the right slot receiver moves back and to the left. Also, the right tackle releases his block to the tight end and begins running a 20-yard corner route. The running back hands off to the quarterback, who hands off to the right slot receiver. This receiver then makes a pass downfield to the right tackle, who has been left wide open by the defense, which was focused on the chaos going on in the offensive backfield. Touchdown!

You don't have to get quite as descriptive as that, but it is encouraged. And yes, I plan on designing this play to put in my Madden 2007 playbook should I purchase the game.

Good luck!

Number of "M" words used in this post (which will be a staple of any post involving the Lions): 38

Reds GM Decision

2006-02-09T07:09:00.000-08:00

The Reds have finally chosen their general manager. After initially interviewing 8 candidates, they pared it down to two, Twins Assistant GM Wayne Krivsky and an in-house special advisor, Jim Beattie. Then, Krivsky came in and blew owner Bob Castellini away with his preparedness and got the job. He now replaces Dan O'Brien, the man he lost out to in the Reds' last GM search. Though he shares the same passionate desire to make immediate progress in reversing the Reds' 5-year streak of losing seasons as his new boss, it will be difficult. The Reds' payroll is not expected to rise this year, and with Spring Training just a few weeks away, the roster is largely set.

Still, this move inspires optimism at least in the heart of this Reds fan, since as I mentioned in picking Krivsky in the January 30 Mindreader contest, he is coming from an organization in the Twins that knows how to win in a smaller market. After last year's Eric Milton debacle, I swore that I would wait to see results on the field before getting too excited about anything Cincinnati does in the offseason. However, I can't help eagerly anticipating what Krivsky is going to do in the coming years. He already knows the Reds organization, since that was one of the teams he routinely scouted while with the Twins. He also is aware of the team's heritage as the Big Red Machine, and is adamant in saying he thinks the Reds can get back to that kind of stature in the baseball world. Knowledge plus determination equals success much more often than not, so I really think this hire will do a lot to get the Reds out of baseball obscurity.

Trader Isiah

2006-02-07T11:26:00.000-08:00

With the NFL season now complete, it's time to turn our attention more fully to basketball. Specifically, let's look at the New York Knicks, a franchise that personifies getting low performances from big budgets. Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't we a couple of years ago look to the 2006 or 2007 offseason as the time when the Knicks would finally be rescued from salary cap hell? Instead, the most clueless GM in all of sports, Isiah Thomas insists on trading an expiring contract for a financial albatross just about every month or so. The latest case-in-point is the recent trade of Antonio Davis to Toronto for Jalen Rose, a 1st-round pick that originally belonged to Denver and some cash.

I find the timing of this trade and the principals involved to be equally curious. It happened just two days after New York coach Larry Brown mentioned that Davis was his liaison with the team. In addition, Jalen Rose was repeatedly benched by Brown when the two were in Indiana together because Rose's attitude and style of play didn't match up with Brown's "Right Way." So, to recap, Isiah traded the player charged with keeping the peace between a stubborn, old-school coach and a group of young, impatient players for a guy that has a history of clashing with said coach. In addition, this team chemistry suicide attempt is going to cost them an extra $34 million next year (Rose's $17M salary plus a corresponding increase to New York's already large luxury tax).

With moves like this, I'm now 100% convinced that Isiah is trying to sabotage Larry Brown. In fact, at this point I wouldn't be at all surprised if this were just a ploy for Thomas to get back into coaching. Let's recap what has happened: Isiah hired one of the best coaches in the league, a man noted for his ability to turn around losing teams quickly. The problem was, this team's best players are young (we all know how much Brown hates playing rookies) or have a history of clashing with the coach (Stephon Marbury mostly rode the pine in the last Olympics, which Brown coached), so the team started to struggle. The Knicks began to squabble amongst themselves, but fortunately, Brown had Antonio Davis to act as a go-between for him and the team, which kept the tension as low as possible. Of course, the next step in Isiah's plan was to get rid of that buffer so that the Knicks would go into a total freefall. The extra stroke of mad genius was then to find a player that Isiah knew Larry would hate to have. Enter Jalen Rose, whose offensive-mindedness and me-first attitude were already known Brown repellant. This scenario could very well end with Brown resigning in disgust sometime in the next few weeks in an attempt to start his next job search, something Brown is famous for getting a head start on. If that were to happen, I wouldn't be surprised to see Isiah "reluctantly" take over interim head coaching duties, knowing that it would give him the inside track to take over the job full-time next season. I also don't think it's impossible that Thomas is looking for a situation similar to what Gregg Popovich had several years back, when he left his GM post to try to coach the team he put together and prove it could win. The one problem with that is this: Isiah Thomas is the only person in Western civilization that doesn't know that Isiah Thomas can't coach. Still, he may be just delusional enough to believe this could work.

One caveat before Isiah decides to start looking to run into me in a back alley in suburban Detroit to beat the crap out of me (Don't know what I'm talking about? Check this out.): I do not really believe that the above motivations for the actions of you and your team are anything more than a collection of circumstantial evidence weaved together into a fictional story designed to entertain my readers. I'm sure you have a completely logical explanation for all of the moves you've made. So, please, I don't want there to "be a problem" with us, OK, Isiah? Pretty please?

Super Bowl Weekend in Detroit

2006-02-06T09:13:00.000-08:00

Being in town for the Super Bowl was pretty nice. Gauri and I picked up some very fun and lasting memories. Here are the highlights:

Thursday night: The Pepsi Smash concert was pretty enjoyable, although the lines we had to deal with both getting into the place and at the concession stands were obnoxious and harbingers of things to come. The line outside was so long that I had time to run into the Subway that was right there when we got in line and polish off an entire combo meal before we made it halfway through. The line for concessions then caused me to miss the entire set by Train (though not completely; I could still hear them). I was in there, however, for all of the Goo Goo Dolls, Nickelback and Kanye West. Some general impressions:

1. Johnny from the Goo Goo Dolls isn't aging all that well, and there's a 99.9853% chance he was high that night. They performed competently, but didn't blow me away.
2. Nickelback's performance, on the other hand, was outstanding! It was high-energy from start to finish, and they really acknowledged and enjoyed the crowd. They also get bonus points in my book for being the only band to use pyrotechnics.
3. Kanye West was a little spotty in places. Half of his time, he wasn't even on stage, letting one of his backup singers take over for part of it, then this woman who I had never heard of before. And then, half the time he was out there he didn't even do his own stuff. He did finish strong, though.

Friday night: We went to the NFL Experience, where I embarassed myself by taking part in drills that are supposed to approximate NFL training drills. Then, we headed over to Motown Winter Blast and walked around for a little bit. The only notable thing about the evening, though, is that the line for the shuttle bus back out to the suburbs stretched about 3 blocks, forcing us to wait 45 minutes to take a taxi instead.

Saturday night: Nothing builds camraderie among total strangers like waiting outside in the snow for 3 hours trying to get into a party/concert. We had a particularly nice conversation with a rather tall 34-year-old factory worker, who later helped Gauri get one of the T-shirts that a local radio station was throwing into the crowd. Why were we out there freezing our butts off for so long to begin with, you ask? Well, that's what it took to get in; about half the people who had tickets to the Bud Bowl didn't even make it inside.

It was a great time, though. They had a couple of breakdancers who were really phenomenal. We ran into them after their performance and told them how great they did. They were grateful, but said that they actually had to curtail what they normally do because the surface was so slick with beer. Yep, it was the Bud Bowl, so not surprisingly beer was absolutely everywhere. Another highlight was when the announcer and the singer from the "Real Men of Genius" commercials got on stage and started riffing about Detroit. Finally, after a long wait, the band got on stage. We were supposed to see 3 Doors Down, but one of their members broke his hand this week. Instead, the Bud Bowl organizers asked Staind cancel a gig in Maine to fly out here. Gauri and I had staked out a spot just a few rows back from the stage, so we were right in the middle of it all. It was so much fun; you could tell they appreciated getting to perform there, and they really got the place rocking! I'd post some pictures, but they didn't want cameras inside, so we couldn't take any pictures.

So, that was my crazy weekend at the Super Bowl. By the time Sunday rolled around, I was worn out from all the partying, so we just stayed in and watched the game. Nonetheless, the experiences from the previous 3 days will stay with me for the rest of my life. Wish you could've been here.

Super Bowl Wrap-Up

2006-02-06T06:47:00.000-08:00

Overall, Super Bowl XL was a pretty well-played game, which I guess is all you can ask. I'm a little disappointed in the outcome, but I can live with it. Aside from the Seahawks' last drive, I can't think of any particular point where they could blantantly obviously done things a lot better. Sometimes you just have to tip your cap to the other team because they were better than you that day.

With that said, what was up with that 2-minute drill? For an "expert" play caller like Mike Holmgren, that was pathetic. I know part of it was the execution, which is on the guys on the field, and Pittsburgh was playing pretty tight D, but by no means when you're down 11 and past the 2 minute warning should you be throwing 6 yard dump-off passes over the middle to your fullback. I also didn't like that he didn't kick the field goal after he got into scoring range, but instead ran 3 plays that did nothing but eat clock. The whole idea of a 2-minute drill is to elongate the game so that you give your team as many opportunities to stay in it as possible, and that's pretty much the opposite of what actually happened. I hope that poor clock management and shoddy play calling at the end of the game aren't becoming a Super Bowl trends, because in the last two years such things have slightly tarnished a couple of pretty good games.

And your Super Bowl MVP is...Hines Ward? Aside from his catching the TD on the reverse option pass, I can't remember any other play he was involved in. I know they had to pick someone, and no one else is really obvious to me. All I'm saying is, that was the quietest 5 catches for 123 yards that I can remember since, well, T.O.'s 9-catch, 117-yard game in last year's Super Bowl. The only differences are, of course, a TD and a win, which I guess are two somewhat important things. Still, if I had to pick someone, I think it would have been Ike Taylor, whose interception in the third quarter was really what got the Steelers on the path to victory. I personally think it would have been appropriate to have a defensive player be the MVP, considering how little offense we saw last night from both teams. Pittsburgh went on to win despite not registering a single first down in the entire first quarter, for crying out loud! Then again, when there aren't many obvious candidates for something like this, usually a big name will get it. Roethlisberger was mediocre while Ward had over 100 yards and a TD, so there you go.

Did anybody see Joey Porter at all last night? Nope, me neither. Ol' Motormouth had absolutely zero impact on the Super Bowl. I hope he remembers this the next time he decides to talk about whatever manufactured motivation he's using for his next game.

Unwanted Edge

2006-02-03T10:42:00.000-08:00

So, apparently, Colts GM Bill Polian does not consider re-signing franchise RB Edgerrin James to be a "priority," preferring instead to focus on Reggie Wayne and Dwight Freeney. I find this to be about as intelligent as slashing one's own tires right before embarking on a cross-country road trip. The Edge is coming off of a year in which he rushed for over 1500 yards with 13 TDs. Even more important is that the Colts' increased reliance on James was one of the biggest reasons behind the defensive improvement that was directly responsible in my mind for Indy's status as the last undefeated team of 2005.

If you don't believe me, just think back to the 2004 quick-strike version of the Colts' offense, which on many occasions left their undersized defense too beaten up from all that time on the field to put up much of a fight. With Edge as the workhorse, however, suddenly the offense got a lot more support from the other side of the ball and many of those 45-42 shootouts turned into 31-10 laughers. Plus, aside from missing just over half of 2001 with an ACL tear (a freak injury that could happen to anyone at any time on a football field), he has been quite durable, missing only 6 out of a possible 96 games in his other 6 NFL seasons. Let's also not forget that he is only turning 28 during next preseason, so it's not as if he's ancient. After all, a 32-year-old Jerome Bettis just missed a 1,000 yard season last year, and he takes a lot more hits with his running style than the quicker and more athletic Edge.

If Polian's worried that Edge might run down in the latter stages of a long-term contract, he should just put language in the contract to protect his team. For instance, the Colts could guarantee the first two years of the contract to give Edge a little security, then make it so that future years are only guaranteed if he reaches certain performance objectives in, say, number of carries or yards per carry. If he doesn't reach those goals, make it a team option as to whether or not Indy picks up the next year on the deal. It's not that hard; they just need to be a little creative. Besides, it's not as if NFL teams always honor long-term contracts they have their players sign anyway.

Besides, what's keeping them from re-signing Edge? Fellow free agent Reggie Wayne I can understand a little bit. Sure, he's the #2 WR, but Marvin Harrison showed a few signs of slowing down in 2005, and he'll be 34 when the next season starts, so he's not getting any younger. Wayne, by contrast, is entering the prime of his career and probably is a better down-the-field threat than Harrison. Dwight Freeney is also a very important player, but there's a rather large problem with making him a priority over Edge for the 2006 offseason: he's already under for another season, and Edge is not. I realize that Freeney is a vital part of the defense, and that they can't afford to lose him to free agency a year from now. I think it's a good idea to start negotiating with him before next season starts, but not before they re-up with James.

There are a couple of reasons for this. First, as I mentioned earlier, having a clock-eater like Edge on your side makes your defense, especially a guy like Freeney who relies on speed bursts play after play, much better. Also, Indianapolis has a lot of components necessary for a championship club. Their time is now, and they can't afford to take a chance on settling for a lessor back in free agency or further down their depth chart, or turning over the RB position to an unproven rookie. This group has too much at stake to be jettisoning a big piece of the puzzle like Edge. Take care of James first, then Freeney, then focus on winning that elusive title. Even if it's really just about the money, simply being a part of a Super Bowl winner can do wonders for one's bank account. Just ask the no-name Patriots O-linemen from the Visa commercials.

Quick Hits (2-2-06)

2006-02-02T11:27:00.000-08:00

Some assorted thoughts from this week in football:

1. Isn't it amazing how often athletes in any sport get to a big game, are told approximately 23,486 times not to say something that might end up on the other team's bulletin board, and some schlup still manages to piss off the other team? The fact that it was a relatively minor player such as Jerramy Stevens amuses me even further. On the flip side, if this is what Joey Porter as a Pro Bowl LB needs to get himself up for the Super Bowl, of all things, that's kind of sad.

2. Donovan McNabb, I and the rest of sports fandom recognize you were dumped on by Terrell Owens, J. Whyatt Mondesire, Rush Limbaugh, et. al. over the last couple of years. It is indeed sad when a classy athlete such as yourself gets treated like dirt. Still, one of the things I have admired about you through all of this is the fact that you just went about your business and always took the high road. I still think you're classy, but I question why you would now talk publicly about the divisiveness in the 2005 Eagles locker room when your whole approach to the T.O. saga for months was "If you have a problem with me, come talk to me, not the media." I know you didn't name names, but I fail to see what good can come from a team's QB noting that no one came to his defense in an inter-team squabble.

3. Interesting column from Jason Whitlock on ESPN.com regarding what Brett Favre really meant during that interview a couple weeks ago. I never would have thought of it that way, but it makes a lot of sense. Check it out.

4. A lot of fellow Buckeye fans read this blog, so I will mention that it looks like we ended up somewhere around the top 10 on signing day, with a reported good incoming class of LBs. We needed that.

OK, there are your talking points. Discuss.

Bud Bowl Bound

2006-01-31T19:29:00.000-08:00

My lovely fiancee just won us a pair of tickets to the Bud Bowl! It should be a pretty good time; Snoop Dogg's hosting, 3 Doors Down will be playing there, and there will be a ton of celebrities mingling around. It's kind of funny because I never realized that there was a party that went with the Bud Bowl; all I remember is thinking as a kid how cool it was that beer bottles were playing a game of football. I haven't seen commercials about the Bud Bowl in years, so I didn't even realize it was still going on. Maybe, in the form that I remember, it isn't. Guess I'll find out Saturday night.

I feel it necessary to point out at this juncture just how much Gauri has changed me. In the past, I wouldn't even have thought to try to get into all of these events around the Super Bowl; I'd have been happy to just sit around the apartment all weekend, pig out, drink some beer, and watch the football game on Sunday, despite the fact that there would have been all of this stuff going on just a half hour away. With her, however, the plan is to go to the Pepsi Smash concert Thursday night, do the Bud Bowl Saturday night, and possibly go to the NFL Experience sometime in there. Plus, because she's so diligent at finding great deals, we're doing all of this for the very reasonable price of around $160 total. I love that woman!

Tune in at the beginning of next week to find out how I handled my brush with fame!

T.O. to Denver?

2006-01-31T12:23:00.000-08:00

It's kind of a slow news day, so I'm forced to talk about 2005's most overexposed athlete, Terrell Owens. It seems that he had a "get-acquainted" session with Denver coach Mike Shanahan, who previously remarked that he wouldn't have a problem with taking on a star with a questionable history. My question is this: Why?! I apply that question to both parties involved, actually.

For Shanahan, you have to wonder if the man has completely forgotten about the 2005 preseason. He apparently has learned nothing at all from the Maurice Clarett experiment. The parallels here if Denver were to acquire T.O. would be obvious: both athletes would have shown questionable behavior in the past, and then would have shown no proof that they had changed but receive a second chance from the Broncos anyway. Some might bring up what T.O. can do on a football field and rightly point out that Clarett had never proven he could succeed in the NFL before being given that second chance, and they would be right. However, the risk is also far greater here. Clarett is merely self-destructive. T.O., on the other hand, has ripped apart the fabric of his team's chemistry, not just once but twice! In any sport, this would be a grievous offense, but it is especially so in football, where team chemistry is far more important than in any other sport. For Shanahan to risk this to bring in a shiny new offensive toy is a mark of true desperation, the kind that a conference championship finalist should not display.

As for T.O., I guess beggars can't be choosers. He should probably consider the overtures of any team foolish enough to bring him in after what he did to the Eagles this season. Still, even if, as I just noted, the Broncos made the AFC title game, does he really want to be chasing down passes from Jake the Snake? Owens felt the need to call Donovan McNabb's quarterbacking into question, so what do you think he's going to do after the 4th time Plummer hangs him out to dry over the middle in Week 1 of the 2006 season? I know he's supposed to be the new and improved Jake and all that, but based on what happened against Pittsburgh a couple Sundays ago, I'm not totally convinced. Plus, do you really think if Shanahan got T.O. in the Mile High City that the Broncos would continue with the same conservative passing game they showed for most of 2005? Not a chance. If they tried, T.O. would likely start doing chin ups on the Invesco Field crossbars during a game to protest his lack of touches.

Basically, no good will come of this situation, except this: 31 other teams' fans would be able to proudly say, "T.O.'s not my problem!" That would be the case anyway, but Shanahan may play a big part in deciding which 31 teams can make that claim.

League Spotlight - Better Late Than Never (Week 13)

2006-01-30T18:15:00.000-08:00

League Standings After Week 13:

Lamp (Kelli Locker) 43-27
Swish (Eric Finke) 43-28, 1/2 GB
notaplayajstcrshalot (Jason Birkle) 42-28, 1 GB
Deeetroit Basketball (Steve Drobot) 40-32, 4 GB
D TOWN BALLERS (Anthony Williams) 39-33, 5 GB
Rambis's Heroes (Kirk Locker) 31-40, 12 1/2 GB
Sleazy Lawyers (Amanda Runyon) 25-45, 18 GB
Skinny White Kids (Kevin Locker) 20-50, 23 GB

Things are very tight at the top, with a big gap between the top 5 and the rest of the league, a fact that yours truly is none too proud of. However, I did see a glimmer of hope in the form of a 7-2 thrashing of my brother and archrival Kevin. Meanwhile, a changing of the guard happened at the top, with Kelli swapping a half-game deficit with a half-game lead to further tighten up the overall Sports Guru standings.

This week, a couple of the league's big guns get together as 2nd-place Swish and 3rd-place notaplayajstcrshalot go head-to-head for the second time this year. Eric's group escaped with a narrow 5-4 victory last time around, which is responsible for his current razor-thin lead over Jason.

Let's Play Mindreader with...Bob Castellini

2006-01-30T09:55:00.000-08:00

The new owner of the Cincinnati Reds has promised swift action to bring championship baseball back to the Queen City. He backed up those words a week ago when he fired GM Dan O'Brien over philosophical differences. Already the Reds have interviewed no fewer than 7 candidates in their search for a new personnel boss that will run the team the way Castellini believes a ball club should be run. Which one of them will emerge from the interview process? Will a dark horse sweep in and take the title? Well, what do you think?

As always, Sports Guru points are on the line! You'll get 3 just for giving any answer. 5 additional points are available for a correct answer, with that number increasing to 10 if you answer within a week of this posting, and 15 if you answer within 2 days! Also, you get an additional 2 points if you were the first person with the correct answer. So, you can see it's in your best interests to answer quickly. However, remember that your first answer is the one that will count, so choose wisely as well. Good luck!

Super Bowl Pick 'Em

2006-01-29T18:10:00.000-08:00

OK, the time is here! Get in your Super bowl picks. Pittsburgh is favored by 4 points over Seattle. Remember, when you leave your comment to submit your pick, you need to say what team you think will win and the score. Good luck!

Wally World Moving East

2006-01-27T09:52:00.000-08:00

And the NBA trading floodgates have opened! After the Artest-Stojakovic deal finally went through officially yesterday, a huge trade has gone through between the Timberwolves and Celtics. Here's the whole trade:

Celtics get:
SF Wally Szczerbiak
C Michael Olowokandi
C Dwayne Jones
Future 1st Round Draft Pick

Timberwolves get:
SG Ricky Davis
C Mark Blount
PG Marcus Banks
F Justin Reed
2 Conditional 2nd Round Draft Picks

In fantasy terms, the players that matter in this deal are Szczerbiak, Davis and Olowokandi (barely). Szczerbiak is a sharp-shooting former All-Star filling it up at a career pace this season. However, I don't expect that to continue once he starts suiting up alongside fellow gunner Paul Pierce. Look for a drop of about 2 points per game from the 20.1 he has averaged up to this point. All other numbers are unlikely to change much. He's a scorer, plain and simple, so other categories aren't worth talking about much, anyway.

Davis is an interesting case. He is also scoring at a higher level than normal at 19.7 per game. He may not be regarded as an elite player, but he's exactly the type of slashing, athletic player that could thrive playing alongside Kevin Garnett. What the Wolves need is a guy that can take over a game scoring (Garnett simply won't; he's not that type of guy), and given Davis's propensity for selfishness in his Cavalier days (who can forget shooting at his own basket to get the last rebound for a triple-double?), it would seem that he is more than capable of filling that need. Of course, the Davis Minnesota is getting is much more mature than the one that chafed at the thought of playing a supporting role to then-rookie LeBron James in Cleveland. He willingly accepted a sixth-man role with the Celtics for a year and a half before starting all 42 games he played for them this season. So, it appears that the Wolves are getting the best of both worlds here, although I would expect his 5.3 AST and 4.5 REB per game averages to come down a bit by virtue of playing next to an all-world stat sheet filler in KG. However, he should make up for this with increased scoring, perhaps as much as 3 points per game depending on how well he meshes with the Big Ticket.

Olowokandi has slight relevance to the discussion only because he is a center, and fantasy-worthy centers are in short supply. Of course, the term "fantasy-worthy" can only be applied very loosely to the Kandi Man. He may grab a few extra rebounds here or there since KG won't be around to gobble them up anymore, but that's about it. Otherwise, he's still the same putrid player he's always been.

Any other thoughts out there about this deal? Let me know.

On Second Thought...

2006-01-25T07:37:00.000-08:00

Well, well. It would appear that Amanda was right (see the comments from yesterday's post). My assertion that Sacramento got a great deal was based on Artest pulling a Vince Carter and playing hard while behaving for his new organization, at least for a while. Usually players do that when they force themselves out of places to prove some kind of point. In this case, however, I forgot to account completely for Artest’s inherent insanity. In retrospect, I shouldn't have been surprised that he's threatening to torpedo the deal, but I genuinely thought he wanted to play some ball. After what happened last year and now this debacle, though, I'm not sure of that at all. His recent actions make him look above all else like a perpetually attention-starved prima donna, which I guess isn’t exactly breaking news. This leopard simply doesn’t want to even try to change his spots, at least not right now.

On the flip side, it is now widely known that unless the Kings trade Peja before the deadline, they won't get a thing for him. There's absolutely no way now that he'll re-sign with them after being "disrespected", in his words. Frankly, I agree with him. How do you let a player who's given his entire 7 1/2 year career to your team find out that he's been traded by watching his hotel room's TV while getting ready to play a game for you? I always thought, even though I dislike the Kings, that the Maloofs ran a good organization. That impression, much like this trade could very well be, is up in smoke. After all, they’ve managed to not only completely botch their relationship with their best player, they’ve also severely undermined his trade value. Even if they can work a deal out by the trade deadline, they’re not getting anything close to equal value unless Artest can be convinced by the Maloofs to play in Sacramento. After this latest evidence of Artest's unreliability, I don't see why they'd want to.

Ramifications: Ron-Ron for Peja

2006-01-24T12:51:00.000-08:00

The Indiana Pacers and Sacramento Kings just made a deal to swap volatile swingman Ron Artest for sharpshooter Peja Stojakovic. What does this trade mean? Let's find out...

Artest moves on after having played only 23 games in his last 1 1/2 seasons as a Pacer, due to his highly combustible personality (and desire to promote his record label?). So, the first question is: will Ron-Ron behave himself long enough to show his talents as one of the best all-around players in the league? Well, we've actually been down this road before with Artest, as he was a malcontent in Chicago before being traded in the middle of the 2001-02 season to Indiana. Once with the Pacers, he settled down for a while in an effort to make a good impression. So, it's likely that Kings fans will get a relatively calm honeymoon period before he starts to revert to his chaotic ways sometime next season. Of course, from a pure basketball sense, you have to want someone of his caliber on your team. There's simply nothing on the court that he doesn't do well, and his combination of height (6-7), size (260 pounds), and athleticism create matchup problems on both ends of the floor. After taking a few games to get back into top form (remember, he hasn't played in 7 weeks), he should put up comparable numbers to the 19 pts, 5 rebs, and 2.5 stl that he was posting before his trade demand. As a Lakers fan, I absolutely hate that this trade went through, because Artest is one of the better perimeter defenders in the league and now gets to give Kobe fits 4 times a year instead of 2.

On the flip side, though Stojakovic said recently he'd be willing to stay with the Kings for less money, Sacramento either didn't believe him or didn't want him. So he goes to Indiana. In trading for Peja now, GM Larry Bird's team ironically gets Peja's Larry Bird rights, which will enable the Pacers to spend over the salary cap to keep him. This obviously leaves them in a far better position to retain his services in 2006-07 and beyond than if they were bidding for him as another team's free agent. On the court, Stojakovic and Jermaine O'Neal become one of the most formidable inside-outside combos out there. The extra punch Peja brings to the lineup should really open things up for O'Neal, who didn't have much in the way of scoring help (Stephen Jackson's really more of a #3 scoring option on a good team). The rebounds might take a dip due to O'Neal's presence, but expect most of Stojakovic's numbers to remain fairly constant. The points might even go up a little bit, if that back gets healthy, since Stojakovic is having a decidedly sub-par year scoring.

On the whole, Sacramento got the far better end of the deal, with Indiana salvaging what they could out of a difficult situation. The ramifications for each player's fantasy owners probably are miniscule, as these players are good enough that they are who they are. Their teammates adjust to them, not the other way around. Of course, this means that Stephen Jackson owners can expect at least a minor hit to his point production. No one else of note is likely to be affected too much.

What does everyone else think?

Let's Play Mindreader with...Al Davis!

2006-01-24T07:13:00.000-08:00

This will probably become a recurring feature on the blog, where we try to figure out what's going to happen in a situation where the mainstream media has no clue whatsoever. Guesses of any kind are worth 3 Sports Guru points, with 15 additional points given if you can guess correctly. So, let's play Mindreader!

Of the many NFL head coaching positions that became available shortly after the regular season, Oakland's has been the most challenging to figure out. No one seems to know what Al Davis, pro football's elder statesman of madmen, is thinking. Do you? Leave a comment saying who you think will coach the Raiders in 2006.

Chasing the Stilt

2006-01-23T11:48:00.000-08:00

It seems Kobe was a little bit smarter in last night's assault on Wilt Chamberlain's elusive single-game scoring record than in the first. He decided to let the Raptors take a big lead so that he'd have an excuse to stay in for the full game this time, rather than taking a seat after 3 quarters in a laugher like he did in scoring 62 against Dallas a few weeks back. Yeah, maybe that's too cynical of a way to look at it, but as a Lakers fan, so I've seen too much of Kobe's manipulations not to have the thought cross my mind. I'm not saying that's how it went down, just that I wouldn't be surprised. I guess being a fan of the team, though, I am happy for Kobe, even if I didn't believe him completely when he said he cared only about the W (at least for his team's sake; he's always been about team achievements as they pertain to his place in basketball history, I guess).

So what's next for the former Next Michael Jordan? My money's on him taking at least one more good shot at Wilt's record this year. After all, he has a team on which no one else can create their own shot, an offense designed to create spacing and let him roam free, and a coach who's smart enough to know that their only chance on the offensive end is to turn the Mamba loose. Plus, you know Kobe, with all of his appreciation for basketball history, covets the honor like no one else in the League would. My only question is will he keep trying when opponents start getting wise and quadruple teaming him? He does remember how to pass, right?....

What do you think about Kobe's performance? Write in and let me know your take. Remember, you get a Sports Guru point every time you add something meaningful to the discussion, so don't be shy!

Need a reason to post comments? Here you go...

2006-01-23T11:36:00.000-08:00

Just to let you know, any comments posted on any discussion piece I write (the first of which is coming very soon) that I feel add something to the debate will receive 1 Sports Guru point. If you keep reading the blog and putting your 2 cents in, that can really add up. Also, if you want to get even more involved in the forum, you can become a regular contributor and write postings yourself. You get 10 points for signing up to do this after you write your first article, and 10 extra points for each article you write. Leave a comment with your email address if you want more information.

Full disclosure announcement: Although I am myself competing in the Sports Guru Challenge, I won't give myself any extra points for writing posts or responding to comments. After all, part of my self-imposed job description is to inspire discussion on this forum, and I can't give myself extra credit for simply doing my job. Just thought you all should know.

NFL Championship Games Pick 'Em

2006-01-19T13:14:00.000-08:00

Two games on the schedule this weekend, with a possible 20 Sports Guru Points on the line to get you started off. Here are the games (make your pick by posting a comment):

AFC Championship: Pittsburgh at Denver (-3)
NFC Championship: Carolina at Seattle (-3.5)

Remember to pick not just the winner, but also the score. A pick must be in by the start of the game in question to count. Good luck!

2006 Sports Guru Challenge Rules

2006-01-19T13:07:00.000-08:00

As promised, here are the official rules for the 2006 LNM Sports Guru Challenge:

1. Points will be awarded for fantasy sports league performance as follows:
a) All participants taking part in each fantasy league are awarded 5 points.
b) In addition, each participant gets 5 points for each opposing team he/she beats in the regular season standings.
c) 5 points are awarded for each postseason win (including consolation games, if any), except for the postseason championship game, which is worth 10 points.
d) Results from multiple teams for each individual will be recognized for up to 4 total teams, but with diminishing returns. The best performing team for each individual will count for their full score, the next best for 75% of full score, the third best for 50% of full score, and the worst performing team will count for 25%.

2. Points will be awarded for the NCAA tournament bracket contests as follows:
a) All participants in each bracket contest are awarded 5 points.
b) In addition, 10 points are available to each participant for each round of the tournament. The percentage of those 10 points awarded will be equal to the percentage of correct picks for each round. After all rounds’ scores are added up, the total points will be rounded to the nearest whole number.

3. Points will be awarded for choosing the winner and score of individual real-life games (pick ‘ems) as follows (submissions must have been received before the start of the game in question to count):
a) Any selection submitted will be worth 3 points, right or wrong.
b) A correct pick will be worth 5 additional points.
c) A correct pick against the spread will be worth an additional 2 points.

4. The winner of the Sports Guru Challenge will win a prize of the entire pool of entry fees, with the following exceptions:
a) Anyone who participates in a LNM Sports-sponsored fantasy league or NCAA bracket selection, or who answers any pick ‘em question on this blog, is eligible to win the Sports Guru Challenge. However, to be eligible for any cash prize, you must have paid the entry fee of $5. Leave a comment on the blog with your email address to make arrangements for payment.
b) Further, to be eligible to a full payout of any cash prize to which you may be entitled, you must have paid the entry fee by March 31, 2006.
c) For anyone who has paid their entry fee after March 31, 2006 and is entitled to a cash prize as a result of their performance in the 2006 Sports Guru Challenge, a percentage of the total pool is paid equal to the percentage of their total points that are accumulated after receipt of their payment is acknowledged by email. For instance, if a participant accumulates 150 points over the year, is the winner, and accumulated 75 of those points after making payment in June, that person would receive 50% of the pool.
d) If any of the limitations under a), b), or c) apply, the next-placed person is considered for the remaining portion of the pool and a), b), and c) apply in the same manner. If a percentage payment applies to anyone after a percentage has already been awarded, any applicable percentage under c) for lower-placed participants applies to the total pool, not that remaining.
e) If a percentage to be awarded is greater than the percentage remaining, the participant gets the remaining percentage. In no case shall amounts in excess of the total entry fees received by the owner of this blog be paid as prizes.

5. A running list of LNM Sports-sponsored fantasy leagues and NCAA tournament bracket selection contests will be kept on the right side of the blog’s front page.
a) Anyone may suggest an addition to this list by commenting on the blog, but the owner of this blog has the final decision on whether it will be included.
b) The person who suggests a fantasy league or tournament bracket for the Sports Guru Challenge will be asked to provide a list of the names of people in the league or NCAA contest as well as the round-by-round results for an NCAA contest or the end-of-season standings and results of all playoff games for a fantasy league.
i) Failure to provide such a list within a month of the end of the contest/league in question will cause the results of said contest/league to be ignored by the Sports Guru Challenge.
ii) The only exception to i) is if the owner of this blog perceives a conflict of interest to be the cause of the missing submission. In such a case, the owner of this blog will take any necessary step to obtain the results of the contest and the individual refusing to submit the results will be disqualified from the 2006 Sports Guru Challenge without a refund.
c) The owner of this blog reserves the right to add any category of sports-related, knowledge-based competition to the Sports Guru Challenge. If this occurs, the scoring basis will immediately be posted on the blog and any results of said competition occurring before such posting will be ignored for purposes of the Sports Guru Challenge.

6. A ranking of the top 5 current scorers in the Sports Guru Challenge will be posted at random intervals on the right side of the front page of this blog.
a) A list of rankings of all competitors will be made available to any participant upon request; however, no more than one request per month will be honored for an individual participant unless the end of all LNM Sports-sponsored fantasy sports leagues for a certain sport or the end of the NCAA tournament has occurred since the date of the previous request.

7. Payment of an entry fee constitutes agreement to the above terms.